I miss you.

I remember the time I braided your beard.
I'm pretty sure me and Anne Marie did it. We were talking about how we thought it would be long enough to braid, so we decided to try. And we could ! You needed to shave that thing so bad.
My favourite memory is of Christmas '08. My last Christmas with you.
You slept in the basement, because there wasn't enough room anywhere else.
Sadie said 'Daddy, Santa won't come if you're there!'
I forgot what you told her, but I know it was smart and clever.
The next morning, everyone was awake except you, because of your children. Lucky you got to sleep in the basement. The silent, CHILD FREE, basement. So I got the job of waking you up so we can open presents.
I walked downstairs, and you were sleeping on the couch.
I said 'Uncle Frank! Wake up! Its christmas!'
And what did you say?
'Bah hum bug.'
Funny.
Thats my favourite memory.
Do you remember that picture you and auntie barb got for my first communion in grade two? It has two dancers, one sitting tying her pointe shoes, and the other standing, looking in the mirror. Its hanging up on our stairwell. And the plaqued Harry Potter poster you got me for christmas '06, I believe. Its hanging up above my bed.
The day of your funeral, after the reception at the golf course, Blair, daddy and mommy and I went to the cemetery. Kevin was there. He gave me and Blair a rose from your grave. I still have it. It's dead, and breaks every time I touch it, but I still have it.
When mom came home from work super early on May Sixth, 2009, I knew something was wrong.
You'd been in the hospital barely a week, but I had this gut feeling that something was going to happen. I told Mrs Agro at school because she found me crying. She told me that everything was going to be okay, and that you'd be fine and out of the hospital soon. She won't remember, because this was in grade 9, but I wish I could tell her how wrong she was. I want to tell her that she's a bitch for giving me false hope, but I want to thank her for helping me hold on to that hope for as long as I could.
Anyways, my mom told me that they were running a final test, and if you didn't respond, they'd have to pull the plug.
I don't think I thought of anything, anything at all, except for 'No. No no no no no. NO!'
And thats all I was saying. I was saying it, and I fell on the ground and just cried. Me and mommy, we just cried. It was terrible. As soon as Blair and daddy got home, we went to the hospital. The entire way there, I didn't cry. I listened to my music, and texted people, and tried to block out the fact that I would never talk to you again.
Waiting for the news was terrible. I didn't cry. Neither did Shelby, we were being so strong. It was mainly for William, who was so scared. He idolized you. But eventually, Shelby broke down and started crying, and I held her for so long.
When mom came down and told me you were gone, I wouldn't believe. I still didn't cry.
Then auntie barb was there. And she sat down and hugged me and told me it was okay, that you were better now.
She told us about what your last words were.
She asked you who was the most important person in the world to you, and you said Sadie and Sidney. She said second most important, and you said 'Barb.'
She said that if you had said your mom, she would have pulled the plug right then and there. I knew she was joking, she could never let go of you.
But we got through it, all of us did. It took auntie barb a while but she's doing awesome now. Sadie and Sidney are great. They miss you a lot.
My dad misses you too. Watching the football game at thanksgiving with just Opa and uncle Don isn't the same for him.
Mommy says that you never believed that she got her lasagne from the box. She did, but it was really good, wasn't it?
Blair misses you a lot. She's still wearing those tiny outfits for dance though, and I know she wishes you were still here to tell her to put some clothes on.

I want to say I'm sorry for being one of the only people to not put something in your coffin. I didn't know what to put there. It was all too hard. I should have wrote you a letter. So I am now.
I want you to still be here, more than anything in the world. I still believe im in some crazy nightmare that I'll never wake up from. Its terrible.
I know you're always here with me though. And I know I'll see you again some day.
Theres so much more I wish I could say to you, and I will, just not right now.
I love you so much.
I miss you uncle frank.