whats this?

jour-nal
[jur-nl]
n, 1. a daily record, as of occurrences, experiences, or observations.

i assume this means somewhere i write oh, today i did this, and that, and blah blah or maybe..
today, i felt like this, and this, and i was just soo..

fuck.
i wouldnt know how to write something like that if my life depended on it. because i dont feel, and i dont do. my day consists of monotonous activities that arent worth mentioning, my feelings are ..well nonexistent. i stopped feeling a long time ago, and since then im stuck in this roundabout of not caring. not caring, not doing, not feeling, not experiencing or observing.

i have a birthday soon. another year, another notch in the proverbial bedpost of life. thinking about the ways i could celebrate said day of birth, i found that id have absolutely no one to celebrate with.

sure, a nice getaway in the mountains, huge house, thatd be awesome, right? bitchin parties, campfires. ehh. with just myself, the idea sounds so dreary.

so here i am, another year gone, ill spend it with myself and a bottle of whiskey.
my true best friend.