Well it's done. 13 months in and we're done. We couldn't make things work out anymore it sucks because I truly loved him with all my heart and I never trusted someone like that. I didn't want him to be a lesson learned on not what not do in the next relationship but I guess he is. I didn't want us to end but when he says he thinks its for the best, then maybe it is. I don't know all I know is I miss him and I just want him back as my boyfriend, not my friend. It's beyond heartbreaking to pretend that we didn't date for a year and that we didn't love each other and plan our future with each other. It's devisting to me and I don't know what I'm going to do without him.
I don't know anymore. I've never been this in love with someone and I've never felt this kind of heartbreak before. How do you get past this and move on to someone new, I don't know maybe I'll just be single for awhile and focus on my school and college. I don't know. That's all that keeps running through my mind, is the unknown. What if I never find someone new again, what if that he was the only one for me. This is killing me. I'm not going to mope around and get depressed over it, it's just not who I am. I'll probably put more thought into my future now, and I'll keep myself so busy that I won't have the time to focus on the pain I feel right now.
This is just me pouring my feeling into a journal so I can go on about my day and focus on my homework. Well I'm off now, texting the older ex before I met Matt, I don't know why but he's making me smile right now.
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