Musings of *** and Mystery

I've been reading a wonderful series of books about serial killers and homicide detectives and I haven't been able to put them down since I started. But as I was finishing the last chapter I read I realized that its nearly 4AM and I'm the only person awake in the house. The thought of walking to my bathroom on the other side of the house is a little eerie.

This got me to wondering, why is it that we as humans are so infatuated with murder and death - just look at some of your Facebook friend's favorite television shows. I can almost promise you many of them are watching shows like NCIS, Law & Order, Criminal Minds etc.

My entire life I have been deeply interested in serial killers, something like my love of vampires, that I blame on my mother. She is obsessed with these shows, not the fake ones either. The ones about real crimes. Cold Case Files was a vital part of my childhood. There is a good chance that anytime you enter my living room the television is going to be on I.D. and there is going to be some story about someone who snapped and murdered someone else.

I've grown up with several mild paranoid disorders - which if I pay the right price - could probably be traced back to my mother's viewing of these shows when I was a small child. As I've grown up I've become less afraid but more terrified - if that makes sense.

As I child I was mortified of the dark. I've slept with a night light since I was three. I am now twenty. I still sleep with my television on and sometimes a night light, but I CAN sleep without them if I need too. As long as I'm not alone.

As I child I was afraid of the monsters in the dark. As an adult I understand that there are monsters out there. But more than likely they aren't hiding in my closet. I understand how sick and cruel this world is. Thoughts of this keep me awake at night.

Then why - why am I so obsessed with these books? Written about a neighboring state and a city I will live close to very soon. They hit me at home.

Why set myself up to not sleep? Or to run through the house just to go to the bathroom?

I don't have answers for any of this. So I guess I'll go back to reading.