Sitting and thinking

So I realized that I sit and think alot. And not really about important things, just random stuff that pops into my head. Also, I'm constantly plagued by my mistakes. It's like, regardless of what I do, I'll always remember that time I messed up. So I write poerty about. But poetry is starting to become a hassel because sometimes I just wanna write and I don't want to rhyme. But yet I refuse to write poetry that doesn't rhyme. I'm currently listening to Elvis's Love Me Tender. It is so sweet and soft, I know it doesn't mean to be mocking. But I honestly have yet to find love. I thought I found it, but it turns out that I didn't. I just gave myself to someone who really only wanted into my pants. It's sad, but that's the only logical explanation I can think of. We don't even talk anymore. It's kinda sad. He used to be my bes guy friend and now we don't even talk when we see each other. I think it's funny that now that I see him, because I used to not, we don't really talk. I'm kinda glad that we don't. I don't really want to talk to him because I have a horrible sensor and I know I'll say something I regret. It's sad really but I know it'll happen. I have so many unanswered questions and no one to answer them. Why did we break up? I still don't know. The only person who has come even remotely close to answering them is my best friend, but I hardly get to talk to her. I can't wait to move in with her. It's gonna be awesome. I'm just scared that once we live together, we won't get along as well. I can only remember be upset with her once, but besides that I love her. She's amazing. I just feel so lonely. I could be in a room of people and still feel lonely. It's sad really. No one else really knows me. That's the worst part, that I can't talk to anyone. I tried to get a therapist, but my mom actually made me fell bad about wanting to get one. All because I said I couldn't talk to her. So I relieve my pain in the best way I know how. It may not seem good to others but it's better than suicide right? I can't kill myself though. I would hurt too many people and I can't do that. I'm not that selfish.