Even though I feel comfort wrap around my chilled body as the rain falls onto the roof top above my head, I can't help but wish it would stop. I can't help but wish the hollow sounds would mute as I contemplate everything. If not mute, then let me be deaf for the night.
I'm trapped in my thoughts that seem to nag at every pour and threaten to make rain-like tears fall from my brown eyes. I want to suck it up and remind myself of how happy of a person I am. However, I'm drowning in thoughts that never let me take one last breath.
Life is like the evolution of rain. To fall from such glorious clouds of white, onto pavement, just to be lifted back up in a bright, sunny sky. There is a certain point where things build up so much that you just can't hold it anymore and you break. Your heartbreaks, your breathless moments, and your tears are all rain drops telling a different story.
The drop that falls into the puddle is just one piece of the puzzle. It's just one spec of H20 that is a centimeter of pain, of frowns, of heartaches.
I hate the rain for this very reason. Although I am comforted by the sounds I cannot help but think to myself of what I am doing wrong or what I don't have. I'm not a selfish person. In fact, I am almost a self-less person who feeds off other people's happiness. This has a downfall of course. I try to make everyone happy even if I am not content. If someone is depressed, their emotions somehow seep into my pours so I feel their heartache. It's painful for me to watch someone be upset when being happy is so much more rewarding.
I've been at rock bottom, hating everything and everyone around me. I've cried way too many times and felt a sharp metal against my skin. I've been stripped away from every happy moment because a "friend" was jealous. I had to put all of my effort and time into her so she could throw it all back in my face. Those days were my darkest times. Just thinking about it makes me feel the faded physical and mental scars. How could I have let myself hit rock bottom?
After riding myself of the problem, my life has done a complete one-eighty. I can be happy for my accomplishments without someone crying on my shoulder saying they are jealous and want what I have. I can see all of my friends without someone complaining I never see them enough when I basically plan my life around theirs. I no longer have that in my life and I am grateful I found the courage to rid myself of those issues.
Seeing someone so upset makes me reflect on those moments in my life. Being the happiest I have ever been now makes me wonder why I couldn't have been this happy years ago. I just want them to feel the comfort of smiles, the relief of laughter, and the breathtaking embrace of confidence.
With all of my emotions spilled out onto this journal, I listen to the sound of the trees whistling in the wind. The rain has stopped which means the comforting sound that puts me into a deep sleep has seized. However, this just means the apathy pouring from my heart has stopped and I will soon be lifted back up into the bright and sunny sky.
Remember the cycle of rain. After all, it is your life.
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