And when it all comes together, it all falls apart.

Is it odd that hearing my mother say that she doesn't want to live with my dad anymore is a relief?
Not that I don't love my dad, it's just hard to like him... lets say 99.9999% of the time.
He's accusing.
He's manipulative.
Let's not forget that he's 'always right.' You know the type... the "I've been there and done that so of course you're going to go there and do that."

But he's my dad. And I love him in the "he's my dad" way... but what else is there really?
He doesn't enjoy talking to me.
He likes to make excuses to not visit.
He knows damn well that we've been on speaking terms and I've been trying to involve him in his grandson's life and get him back into mine. But he always has to pull something, or say something to my mom along the lines of "but she doesn't want to talk to me."

Is that why I still answer the phone for his drunken-3 in the morning-"I love you" calls?!
Every time. I pick up the phone. We do the same old song and dance that we would do when I still lived with them. "Yes dad, I love you." "No dad, I don't hate you." "Yes, I'll still do every thing I want to do with my life." He only ever used to tell me he loved me when he was drunk.

It sounds cliche.
It sounds so fake when I read it.
And I wish that it was fake.
That this was just a sad story I was doing for a prompt of some kind.
Damn reality.

And my mom, my brothers... my youngest brother... he tries to bet my dad... see how long he can go without drinking.
My mom has to keep the secrets. She goes and gets him at 4 in the morning and drives back home and goes off to work at 6. She doesn't tell them. But she's changing that...
My middle brother... he doesn't care anymore. He's too young to feel the apathy. It shouldn't be like this. And I used to tell him that, when I was with them. And he used to laugh. Tell me that I was being over dramatic.
It's not over dramatic now, is it? Getting arrested and having your kids know about it. How does it feel to have to look your 10 year old in the eyes and KNOW that he knows you're throwing away what left of your life on drinking and speeding. Wasting family time going to court... All the time wasted... hiding secrets. I'm glad my brothers got to last as long as they did at least.

/tl;dr

Wahhhhh, daddy issues. Venting, and angsting and what-not.