Speech

If I told you right now, I had never been bullied, it would be a lie. I have. I have been kicked down by people that we’re in a relationship with me, humiliated by classmates and hallway passers, I have been told I’m not good enough, and never going to amount to anything by a teacher, and just brought so low, that I thought, maybe, just maybe, I’m not suppose to be here. That just maybe I was some what of a mistake.
But even worst, I was brought down to almost my breaking point so many times, I swear I wouldn’t think, today, I would be talking to you like I am now. With bullying come depression, and so many times had I looked back and saw an empty smile on my face, or walked down the halls to see the laughter of other people, hoping that maybe just maybe its not about me. I was born an outcast. Always and truly will be one. Easy target, sure. I’m quiet. A lot of people see that. But to have people kick me in class, and laugh about just how I sit there, and how I stumble with my paper wrong, or something In between, made me feel like I was the coldest emptiest person in the world.
When I was kid, I was the big girl. I was nothing special, just quiet .I sat in class rooms full of kids, who acted like I was going kill them. Maybe that I was going to hunt them down and pray on their little souls, I don’t know. They would ignore me though, just like an everyday thing. But even when the other kids put me down, I always had my two only friends in Elementary school.
One of them was a girl name Katie. I sat there and watched my best friend get picked on every day because she smelled and because she was not the cutest girl in the classroom. She dressed almost like an old lady. Flower tops with jeans that never seemed to be washed. She couldn’t help it though, her mom never really let her change her style, only let her dangle in the rags she dressed in. But still, I watched and let her get teased every day from Katie germs, to forcefully mocking her. We had been friends since the day she walked into my classroom in 3rd grade. No one talked to her, but me and Jessica. We laughed, all spent out side in the dark watching the stars and the moon and talked about what kids said about us. There was always something to be said about Katie. Then, I would always say that we could help her. Change her look so she wouldn’t be such an outcast in a little elementary school. Eventually though, Jessica and I ignored her. The kids got worst. I don’t know how she survived. She would walk down the halls quietly, only keeping to herself, and eventually I ignored her like she didn’t even breathe just to save my own rep.
Back then, I just let it happen because I was focused on kids being my friend, because I didn’t really have friends. The only friends I had was Jessica and Katie. Jessica was the girl with a limp and Katie was the girl who “smelled” and was “gross”. I look back now and hope someday I can see Katie again, and just tell her how sorry I am. Sorry I let it happen. Sorry I didn’t stop it when I could.
But, I moved, going into middle school right here in good old Indiana. I ended up being pushed aside again for a later day. No one talked to me in middle school, well 7th grade. I was again an outcast. Made fun of for breathing wrong, and when I thought this guy was being nice and giving me a back massage, I was wrong, all he did was laugh at me and point. It made me feel so small. I wanted to just run away and crunch inside of a ball, I mean, no one would talk to me. I was a freak.
I developed friend eventually, in eighth grade. By that point I told myself I was going to do all I can to meet someone. At that point though, I was also struggling silently with my sexuality. But, I kept it quiet, hoping the feelings would die down.
9th grade was amazing, had a lot of friends, but got bullied by kids that were bigger then me. Putting plastic cups on my book bag and laughing like it was some kind of big hallerious joke. But to top it off, they followed me. Pointing and making jokes on how it was the funniest person in the world. And I would crunch down and pray they would go away. I screamed at them, no teacher came. Only made them laugh harder. Then, to top it off, I’d go to a classroom, just like any other classroom, and was kicked, talked about silently, and just felt as if I wasn’t suppose to even be born. I felt so low. Then, I came out. My friends were ok with it. My one friend, freaked me out a bit, but its ok now, we ended up still being the best of friends.
10th grade I hid again, only talking to close friends, but also gained a relationship with one, that became more. Everyone saw it. Who can deny seeing too girls holding hands in the hallway? But no one really said anything.
10th grade with that came learning that teachers could be as much as an influence as kids. I learned not really to trust in 10th grade. My teacher stood there in front of all of us and told us we would never be anything. I would get pregnant, and just like his daughter, live with some loser. Then, he pointed at the guys and said those are the guys we’d end with. The losers. He didn’t know how much it hurt. I went days trying to convince myself it wasn’t true. Then when I cried, I figured out that maybe he was right. Maybe I wouldn’t be, but I wouldn’t stand there and let him know that. I dropped out of the class after 10th grade.
But as years passed, 11th came and went on and on came 12th, I remember standing there, almost in tears, just ready to go at any moment and my friend, turned to me and said, “Hey Tiffy Jiffy.” And I smiled. It made my day. It taught me that even one word, one sentence, one are you ok? It could help.
But to come to my conclusion, If you see someone getting bullied stop it. But, if you see someone down, don’t ignore it. Bullying causes depression and leads up to suicide. Be a friend, not a bully.