It will always be him.... +QUESTIONS

Have you had a first love? Someone that you talked about the future with or shared things that you have yet to share with anyone else? Someone that would send you a txt and it would make you smile to yourself. That one person that knew when no one else did that something was wrong and that you were lying when you said you were fine.

I have.

My friend left in eight grade. We didn't know each other to well. I mean, he would whisper gross things in my ear in science class! Then throw leafs at me so they would get my hair. He annoyed me. But slowly we started to talk more and more then txt, a lot. We got close then he had to move. It hurt, to know that I wouldn't have class with him. Not to see him everyday. It felt like my stomach had dropped, like when you were riding a roller coaster but it stayed that way.

We've txted since either grade and it's been threes years since. He made me happy, pulled me out of my own head and back into the real world. I wasn't smiling to fake happiness he made me smile because he made me happy. He's told me countless times how he loves me and how he wishes we could go out.

I just wish we would never talk again.
He's told me that he wishes he lived in Iowa so we could be together.
I wish he would go away. Go away to the other side of the world.

He tells me all that but its not fair. I mean he tells me that and a day later goes off with another girl. Of course their dating. I'm not mad, its good that he has a girlfriend where he lives! I've passed a lot of guys up so i could be with him. I regret telling those guys no because i was to stupid to realize nothing was ever going to happen between me and him.

Then he won't txt me when he has a girlfriend. I'm free then! But then they break up and he comes and tells me all about what she did to him. Of course he starts telling me that he loves me and wishes we were together. When he has no girl he comes back to me. I hate that I let myself forgive him! Why can't i just let him go? Why can't I tell him we can't be friends! Friends don't say the things he says! Friends don't build someone up then let them fall apart again.

It will always be him. The one I'll compare guys to. Always him that I'll think was funnier or knew me better. It's just going to be him, always him I'll be stuck with.

Whooooo! Sorry I really had to get that off my chest! But at least I have a date Friday. I really like the guy I'm going with!=) Although it's just different from going from someone that knows you so well to someone who still has to get to know you.

QUESTIONS! (sorry if this journal was as depressing for you as it was me)
1. Have you tried a long distance relationship?
-Yeah, its sucks.

2. How many more days till your winter break?
-About a two weeks!=D

3. If you could go dye your hair right now what color would you get?
-a very red chestnut color.

4. Best things that's happened this week so far?!
-I HAVE A DATE FRIDAY!!!!! *screams*