Just letting it all out

On one note I'm angry, because my grandmother is taking me shopping tomorrow (sunday) morning, which i don't want to do at all because i already woke up early today (saturday) morning, and guess what? We're shopping for Christmas dresses, and she says she's going to pick them out for us. O.O...that ticks me off, why would she take us with her in the first place if she got to choose what we bought, and why can't we pick the dress we want? Even worse is, we're getting the dresses to go to her "all adult" fancy high-class party at her new house that she bought down here to be near family. But we don't get to enjoy the party, we're going to walk around and pick up the god-damn empty paper plates that people are finished with. My mom has to work in the kitchen, and I don't think she's paying us at all. She didn't invite us to her party, her own family, she just makes us work at it. which really ticks me off. She didn't even really ask, just told us like that was that.

On another note I'm really sad, because Kylie has ammonia and Minnow, I believe, is sick (since she didn't come to the chorus thing we had, by the way which was basically me and a few of my friends standing under a bridge in the cold with the wind blowing at us and it raining outside. Katelyn twisted her ankle (supposedly) and was REAL dramatic about it, dramatic enough to try to call to go home, her step mom was at church and her dad at work so no one answered, and i ended up being her crutch for awhile, which isn't that great to be cause she was hanging on me like a dead weight and I was mostly just holding her up all by myself. I might sound insensitive when I say that she was being mellow dramatic, but I have proof because she was sort of walking around and standing on it now and again, couldn't have been that bad. But it was pretty funny, and I actually enjoyed standing there singing Christmas songs pretend miserably, and saying the bridge was peeing it was great, I like the way the cold weather felt on my face too, really nice.) Anyway, Maddie was the one who told me Minnow was sick, and Logan told me about poor Kylie, so that makes me sad.

On yet another note i'm really really happy because I really enjoyed the chorus thing, somehow being miserable but in a way not really miserable is fun, i can't really describe it very well but yeah....my cousins and my best friend (cousin) Lilly is coming, and somehow there's this happiness I can't shake off despite myself. I get excited just writing this.

On another note I'm worried, because my Gramaw (different one than in the first paragraph, Gramaw and Grampaw is my mom's side, Grandmother and Grandaddy is my dad's side) is already buying presents for my two cousins who are coming (they have a really rough life and a lot of big problems in the family that i'd rather not talk about because they make me want to cry) anyway, she's getting them presents because she feels for them as do I, i'm saving up all my birthday money and allowance money from like a year ago (my mom and dad always forget to give me my allowance, saying that i didn't earn it cause i didn't do the chores even though I did, I just stopped asking for it because i guess the whole thing where everyone should pitch in in a family, which i think is true) to spend on presents for everybody, I hope i have enough cause it's only $90 and like a billion people =P. My Gramaw doesn't even seem to realize that me and my sisters are even going to be at Christmas, but that just might be her being secretive with us. Yeah, it may sound selfish, but my cousins have a lot of extra money they can spend on vacations and stuff and my family isn't really having the greatest time with money lately. I don't know, I just love getting presents and I'm worried i'm going to be forgotten by my Gramaw (who is retired and has money to spare).

On my dad's side of the family my other cousins are coming Uncle Klee, his wife and five kids. So i'm going to have a Christmas on each side of the family. Gosh! it's going to be crazy and awesome so I don't know why I'm complaining, ignore me. My Gramaw is really kind of annoying and scary (she's like bi-polar i think because one minute she's good and then ACK AHH! she'll snap your head off like a big mean crocodile. She scares the crap outta me, and I'm usually on edge around her, especially when she's in a bad mood....My Grampaw is a total slob, the other night we ate in the living room and i was shocked home much crap he had under his TV-tray, I tried to look away when he leaned over to clean it up, because it looked pretty embarrassing, but i just couldn't stop staring.

On another note i'm disappointed because tonight (Saturday) I have to go to the local theater to see some Christmas show...it's in a really small town. With Grandmother. She always makes me dress nice and I'd much rather wear jeans and a T-shirt, especially after my adventure this morning. Usually after I finish watching one of those plays i'm exhausted (don't ask me why cause I don't know, sitting in a chair for two hours somehow does the trick) and I wanted to stay up late on my last late night till' next week. I'm gonna try really hard to not be tired, hopefully it works. I don't know about you, but a great big theater near somewhere more populated is a lot more fun then going to a town theater, and once you've gone to that great big theater, it's really hard to enjoy something put on by the townspeople, that you never really wanted or asked to see in the first place. At least i get to go with my little sisters, so I won't be all alone with Grandmother like I usually am, which isn't fun because she's so old fashioned and not the easiest to talk to. I also have the pacer test on Tuesday and I hate the pacer test, it's so terrible. My body is really sore and i hope that I get less sore by Tuesday. Cause last time on the Pacer I did 90 and next time I'm gonna try really hard for 100, but I don't know if I'll be able to pull it off.

Anyway...I love my family even though there's problems, the two sides of the family are really separated, and my mom isn't too in love with my Grandmother right now for reasons. It's definitely going to be hard to hang out with my dad's side of the family's cousins, because their a bunch of little kids and then like two twin 12 year old boys. I mean we used to have fun and stuff, but now i'm fourteen and haven't seen them in awhile and it's harder to have fun because I'd much rather spend my time with Lilly, my cousin on my mom's side, who is younger then me but exactly and same height and just as smart so it seems like she's the same age. Anyway, it's going to be hard to balance the two sides of the family because my Grandmother is so intent on having me and Tom and Andy (the cousins) to be really close, but i'm already so close with Lilly. My mom's side of the family is just easier to hang with and be with, although my Gramaw I'd rather have back in California, since she's always talking about how great it is there and how much it sucks down here, even though California isn't that great of a place anyway. -_-. Anyway, yeah, it's all good, I just had to get everything out of my system. Sorry Minnow (the only one who reads this) if you get this far then thanks for reading the whole thing =P....you sure didn't have to, I know it was boring. I feel so much better now, and I'm going to work on my essay for school so I don't have to do it over winter break.