Walked out of my house last night 'cause I hit my brother in the balls.

No, I’m serious, I kind of got in an argument with him and we ended up in a fake fight. See, what pisses me off about him, is that the little dude drives me insane, he’s bossy for his age, he’s wild and he curses at me like a sailor. The main reason we get into pointless arguments. You try telling him to stop doing something and he insists to keep doing it and adds to it. It’s annoying.

That’s exactly how this all started. Mainly it was my fault. I’ll tell you that from now, so there’s no misunderstanding. I know that it was my fault, but it was also an accident.

My mom always tells me to stop chasing after him, just let him be, but I can’t, because with the way he is, I see it that he’ll end up in a horrible place with the attitude he has. Yes, he had time to grow out of it, but at eight, I kind of see a dim future for the boy. His father never really does anything about it, he only baby’s him. Now I love the kid, but when he started pulling ad punching, I give him a bit of a fight. I never really go hard on him, it only looks like it, I really don’t. We play a little, and let me tell you, he packs a punch. I never let him know that though. Now, every time we do this (which is a lot, by the way), I do this thing where I grab onto his leg and ultimately have a hold on him and pull him up.

Today it went wrong, because he decided it would be a good idea to slip his leg behind mine, which in the ending had us both falling down. My leg (at least I think it was my leg) made contact with his man area, which of course had him screaming like crazy. I laughed at first, because I didn’t know what happened (I laughed at the fact that we fell) and I thought he was just doing his usual exaggeration. When I found out what really happened, I tried apologizing to him, but he screamed as he usually does, which means, he screamed like the devil himself took possession of him (which is something that happens on a daily basis) and he stormed off into the main bedroom.

I really didn’t mean to hurt him. It was something we always did, just today it ended badly. I love him and he knows it, I tell him all the time, yeah, I snicker and joke about him not telling my mom about that, but he knows I love him. I wouldn’t hit him on purpose, unless he deserves a little slap here and there and it’s never really painful you know. Always a little spank to show him that it’s wrong (not like he learns from it).

That leads us to where I am now, my aunt’s house and why is that?

Because my step father storms into the living room and jus starts shouting at me about it, playing the authority card (when he needs to do that, he doesn’t), I try to explain what happened, but he wouldn’t give me the chance. Now, I have anger issues, and most if not all the anger, is directed towards him, since the very beginning. I like the dude from time to time, but he’s like the life size version of my little brother. He thinks that because he’s a man, whatever he says goes, thinks because he’s the only working, my mom has nothing to say (he doesn’t want my mom to work, that’s why she stopped looking for a job), thinks because he’s Christian and we’re not, he’s right and we’re wrong. Yeah, he’s one of those types of Christians…. Don’t take offence if you’re a Christian, I know not every single one of you is like this, but he’s that type. The ones that think being a Christian just dubs you the right hand of God or something.

He got me so angry, I was shaking, which is a bad sign on my part. My first decision was to go into my room and sleep in the dark without using any electricity from the house at all. I wasn’t even going to plug in my laptop, I was gonna use the little battery left and then go to sleep. I always tend to do that, it’s a form of bottling things up really. Go to sleep and wake up tomorrow like nothing ever happened. I know it doesn’t really work that way. I knew though, that if I stayed, it was just going to end up worse. I know me too well. I wouldn’t be typing this if I was still at home. I’d be doing something else… so I left and here I am.

None of this would have probably happened if he just let me explain or if I decided to not care about what my brother was screaming at me once again.

This is mostly my fault, I get it and I know, but yeah.

Thanks for reading. I guess I really just needed to vent this out.

December 11th, 11:57pm

Current location: Back home… and have yet to see my stepfather.