Wish Me Luck

Uhhhhhgggggg...What to say, what to say....Hi?

I feel myself getting depressed again. When I get depressed, it's not good. I mean, I don't think I'm really outward about my depression, I don't want to bring other people down with me, but there are a few ways that peoplecan know I am depressed, including me. For one, my room is getting messy, and it looks like an utter pig sty;two, I'm not doing my school work again, and three, I'm eating a ton of sugary foods, which is never good.

Today I have to force myself to clean my room and do my late school work, becuase I know that if I don't do it, it'll all pile up and I will get really overwhelmed with it. A lot of people don't understand this, but for me, my depression goes something like this; something that saddens me will happen, and I will think about it, and think about it, and think about even if I tell myself not to think about it. Then I will eventually neglect everything, and start eating alot, and drinking more soda, then my school work will pile up, then I'll get overwhelmed with it, then I'll start to really feel the pressure to do everything that I neglected to do before, then it'll get even worse. All the while I am the only one who knows how I feel, because I refuse to tell any of my friends or family members about it. I'm not going to say that they wouldn't understand or that they wouldn't care, because I know that they would, and saying otherwise would be lying. I just don't want them to worry about me.

And then theres this whole thing about this boy who I fell in love with. I know you will say that I am too young for that, but I know how I felt, and it wasn't just a crush. We spent time together, he told me about his life, what he liked, his interests, and I loved every bit of it. He wasn't even that good looking when I first knew him. Now he is, because he is taking better care of himself, and you can really tell. But everyday I think about him, and I thought I was over him, but it would appear that I am not. It still hurts a lot when I see him going out with other girls, talking to other girls, talking to me about other girls, everything. The thing is, Nobody else would even look twice at him because he's not astoundingly hot by any stretch of the imagination, and he doesn't hang out with the popular crowd, but he is so nice. Sometimes I think about all the stupid things that he does, and I know that he isn't right for me, but I still wish that I were the one he was after, even though I happen to be friends with a lot of the girls that he has dated.

Ugh, so other than trying to get over a heartbreak, I am also making a long term weight loss goal. In fifty weeks I want to weight one hundred and twenty five lbs. My weekly weight loss goal will be two lbs a week, starting this week. I know that I am beautiful, but I want other people to see it too. I won't give up this time. I'm going to get better grades, and I'm going to pick myself back up from this rutt that I am in.Wish me luck.