12.16.10

Oh, well wasn't today fun? Not really, I had to take a Drivers Ed. exam, which took me like 5 minutes, and I didn't even open the book we were allowed to use, and then a geometry final. It was pretty easy. But the whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about Kieran. Since this is my first journal, I should probably explain.

Kieran is the most amazing guy ever, he's sweet and funny, and not to mention completely and totally hot! Only one problem, we're both in the same show choir, and to save us all from drama and the like, members aren't allowed to date. But really, what's the director going to do? Its our lives, he can't make us do anything! Well, looking at it, that little rule isn't the only thing keeping us apart.

Maybe it's that the girl he had a thing with last year has been going out with one of his best friends for 11 months.

Maybe it's the fact that he's a junior and I'm a sophomore.

Or maybe, just maybe, we're both just shy little fucks, too afriad of getting hurt to take a chance.

I know that's me in a freaking nut-shell. Anyway, I couldn't really focus too much on my geometry exam, and when I was done, this is what I wrote:

My hands are shaking slightly, so the only thing I can think to do is write. I have this feeling in my stomach like I've done something wrong. I close my eyes, and I can still feel myself falling. And I'm thinking of Sunshine, Corn, whatever you want to call him. Of slow dancing and walks on the beach, of romance and holding hands. I can feel every muscle in my body, each and every one aching to move, for the bell to finally ring. I hear ''Sweet Home Alabama'' playing somewhere in the building, so faint it almost feels like a dream.

This is what I wrote yesterday, with regard to the falling bit in today's:

I see you and my head starts to spin and my heart beats faster and faster. But then, I close my eyes, and I can feel myself falling, further and further. I'm unaware of my surroundings, I can't see anything. All I know is that you're somewhere, but I don't know if you'll catch me or not. If anyone will catch me at all. I've been falling for a while now, and I'm scared that I'll just keep falling, with no one to catch me in the end.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.
Catch me.

Well, that's it for now. You know basically how I feel about this guy, and all of my journals up until the day I die will be about him.