Feelings, Thoughts, and Emotions

December 16th, 2010

- Tired. Even though I got about 9 to 10 hours of sleep, I still feel exhausted and I want to sleep so bad, but I know I can't because I know I won't be able to sleep later on.

- Paralyzed. At times I feel completely immobile and like I can't move.

- Empty. I feel so hollow. I have been staring off in space a lot because I don't have any energy left to do anything else. Sometimes I forget to breathe and I don't realize it until I feel a sharp pain in my chest.

- Weak. I feel like if I lift a finger, I'm lifting a thousand pounds. I feel so isolated and my chest feels so heavy. I'm having a difficult time breathing.

-Hopeless. I feel like nothing is ever going to get better for me. It's like when I reach a point, I'm just stuck there and there is no hope in me moving unless it's down. I almost never go up.

- Irritated. I feel so much more annoyed and I continue to take it out on my friends because I know I don't want to cause myself any more pain.

- Afraid. I'm constantly worried and afraid of what others will think of me if they see me break down. I don't want them to think of me as weak.

- Sad. I can't find happiness in anything. Every morning I begin to feel my tears coming when I'm on my way to school, but I force them back. I don't want anyone to see me shatter. Everyone sees me smile and they hear me laugh, but what they don't know is that none of it is genuine.

- Alone. I know that I have friends and family and counselors that can help me, but I still feel like no one understands me and like no one is around me. I feel like I have to suffer by myself because I don't want to drag anyone else down with me.

- Guilty. I feel like I'm to blame for everything. Though one person is telling me that not everything is my fault, I'm being told otherwise by a countless number of people. It makes me feel even worse about myself even if I know it isn't my fault.

- Numb. Sometimes I feel completely numb and I feel like nothing you say or do to me can hurt me, but I know it will hurt me later when my moods change.

- Anxious. I get worried about the smallest things and it stresses me out even more than I already am.

- Forgetful. Lately I have been forgetting so much. I just can't concentrate and the only things I seem to be able to remember are the bad things that happen to me during the day.