The Only Entry I'll Ever Need.

When I was I teen, I swore I would change the world with my my bold fresh looks and witty persona. Looking back, I realized that nobody wanted to know my story. I was just another face in the hallway, another heartbeat  lost in the crowd. Though I did turn heads at five foot ten with hair long for a white girls but belonged to a me instead, it just wasn't enough. I would think profound thoughts and gaze at objects as if I were lost in their value. I would even go so far as to fake an accent when I went out, as long as they were people I didn't know. Maybe I was deranged. But it entertained me, and left people either awestruck, or confused. Trying to be different was hard. So hard that after a while, being myself became quite a task. Being myself wasn't myself to my friends. I would wonder when chatting with friends if it was my normal voice I was speaking in. Or was it a cute voice I made up along the way. No one seemed to mind, but it troubled me deeply. What if I was so caught up in my own web of lies that I forgot what was truth? What if I became the sole inhabitant of a world I created for myself? A universe? What scared me the most was HOW to change. Could I have the strength and willpower to do it myself? A terrifying revelation that would strike fear in my heart late at night was that I was like C****. My mothers sister, C****. C**** was a bitch. A lying, conniving, wretched woman that dared the limits my mom set for her numerous times. I was just like C****. Too much like C****. So much like her, that it stunned me when I realized over and over again that I was my mothers daughter. My mother was a good woman, a godly woman that had enough common sense and pureness in her heart to the point of me becoming sick to my stomach. Sick to my heart, I was so wrong for her and my father. I was giving less than they expected. Not just as a daughter, but as a human being. They never stopped being proud though. 
'we're not disappointed in you, we would never be, we're only disappointed in your actions' I can remember my mom saying to me once. At the time, those sounded like fighting words, but thy weren't. It was the truth. I was ashamed. What have I become?