What a Year

It's officially been a year. I'm sitting here, wondering why everything happened. I knew when this day came I would not be the same, I knew when this day came I would feel numb probably because I've felt this way for an entire year. I am sitting here contemplating on the past year, and none of it has been easy. I've expressed my confusion or whatever it was in several journal entries, I don't really think anyone's listening. I never imagined the impact Jimmy would have on my life, and a year later I still don't have a clue as to why. He was important to me no doubt, but how could someone I never met mean so much to me?

Probably because throughout my hardships he's been there for me, maybe not physically but in his music. And he's still there, his amazing talent that he poured his entire soul into. There will never be another Jimmy, and he knew that. He's the reason I'm sitting here questioning what in the hell I'm doing with my life, because right now I'm not doing a thing. I'm 23 years old and have nothing to show for it. By the time he was 23 he was in a band and made something of himself.

Drumming was his passion in life, music was his passion, and he did it. Writing is mine, and yes I'm doing it but I'm not putting forth the effort that I should. I have a semi-large fanbase, I suppose but many people comment 'love it' or 'update please' that doesn't tell me if I'm doing good or if I'm not. I would appreciate real feedback. Not to mention, fan fiction isn't as appealing to me, sure it's fun to write about something you love but it doesn't take a genius to write fan-fiction. Not to mention, mine gets over looked because there's tons of others out there who aren't as serious as I am about writing and it's frustrating to me. Not because I want to get more readers, but because I work hard on making things good and don't get recognized for it.

It takes a real person to actually think about creating a character, and write original fiction, so why is everyone so hung up on fan-fiction? Why can't someone get recognized for their true talent at writing something they came up with? Seriously, it's just irritating.

I shouldn't have to explain how much Jimmy meant to me, but he's a true inspiration for me as I'm sure he is to others and he makes me want to do something with my life. Which I'm going to do, his life wasn't easy, and neither has mine been. I know this is something I want, and I need to stop slacking and get on it. I can't believe it's been a year since he's been gone, and I miss him everyday.
December 28th, 2010 at 10:59am