Can't Sleep.

Listening to "I Want To Break Free" by Queen. It's funny someone suggested this song to me on a past journal post a long time ago and I never could relate and now I can. Sigh. I have a splitting headache right now. I can't sleep and all I can do is cry. I've been sad for a while now. I don't know why I'm writing this. I don't expect anyone to know what to say. It's just getting harder. Right now things just aren't going right. I'm 18 and I can't seem to find time to enjoy myself anymore. I'm always getting yelled at. I always feel like I'm not important. I'm just really tired of doubting EVERYTHING! I'm in that phase where I'm trying to figure out who matters and who cares. I'm trying to be okay with being me, but it's so hard when it's not good enough for anyone. I just want to be perfect, for who? I'm not sure yet.

Regardless I'm hoping this passes. I'm just so muddled, for a lack of a better word that's what I'll use.

For my New Years resolution, I want to do so many things. I just want to let go of all the people that are bringing me down. I want to be respected. Most of all I want to open myself up to hurting. I'm so scared of breaking again that I've changed myself into this angry guarded person. Sometimes I hate who I am. I've let go of everything good. I also need to set priorities for the next year. I want to be happy for the most part. I'm so tired of all the stress and drama.

I know this whole journal makes me sound really confused, but I guess I am. It's just one of those nights. I know it;s early mornings, but who is actually up around this time.

Oh and before I forget another resolution is to finish all my stories even if I've lost all my readers because of the lack of posts since '08. Yikes!

XBam