Ohh no! I forgot to post this yesterday :O Letter to Jimmy<3

Dear Jimmy,

There’s so many things I want to tell you, to ask you. The problem is, I don’t know where to start. Well, I guess I can start by telling you what you mean to me. I didn’t know you personally yet I feel as if you were my best friend, my brother. The pain I feel in my heart is so unbearable at times that I have no idea what to do. There were even a couple times when I wanted to end my suffering. But I didn’t. Cause of you and cause of the Avenged family. I thought about what you would say to me when we saw each other in the Afterlife. I imagined you getting all mad at me about how I had all my life before me and I threw it all away. I thought about how much pain I would put everyone else through. Fuck, that would be so selfish of me. I wouldn’t want to do that to them. I wish there was something that I could do. I know you want me to move on and be happy with my life, bu I can’t! I just can’t! There’s not one day that I go through without thinking about you, without thinking about how much I miss you, how much I want you back. There must have been a good reason why God wanted you so soon.. I wish I knew. But I suppose I never will know. He has such a mysterious way of doing things. “Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold him when we’re not around, when he’s much too far away..” Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy…ohh how the stallion ducks won’t ever be the same without you chasing them around. The world’s definitely not the same without you. Why did you have to leave so suddenly? Couldn’t you have waited for later in your life. Sure, you would definitely still be missed but nothings the same without you. And you wanna know something fucked up? Cause of all that Michael Jackson bullshit and everyone else who died, they never mentioned you. Well, maybe once or twice. Kerrang! and Revolver mentioned you but still. I don’t think Rolling Stones did. But whatever. We don’t need them to tell us what you meant and still mean to us. There aren’t words to describe it. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this before but I really want you back. We all do. And some fuckers got the nerve to say that you’re really not dead, that you’re still alive somewhere. Hey, we all know you’re crazy but I don’t think you’re crazy enough to do some shit like that. That would be just plain cruel and fucked up. In the beginning, I would honestly tell myself that you just went on vacation and that sooner or later you’d come back. But as the days and weeks and months passed, my hope faded and I had to accept that you really were gone. We’ve all had to accept that fact sometime or another. Some small part of my brain still doesn’t accept it. Is that wrong? Does that make me, ughh I don’t know the word for it. I feel as if I’m rambling. I hope you don’t mind. It’s just that I have so much to say to you. I hope you listen. I love you, Jimmy. I thought I should let you know. I never knew my real dad so I never had someone to look up to. Then you became my inspiration and my role model. Life was fucking amazing then. That dreadful day that you passed, December 28, 2009, I was watching random music videos on MTV.com and I happened to glance up at that scrolling thingy at the top and it said that they found you dead in your home. I think I stared at the screen for five to ten minutes before it actually registered in my brain what was typed up there. That’s when I started crying. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. The only thought running through my head was “That’s a lie. They must have mixed him up with some other drummer. Jimmy’s not dead. He’s probably hanging out with the guys and cracking jokes.” So I went to the Avenged Sevenfold website and read the note the guys had posted about you passing. I swear I felt a piece of me die. Now I had no one for me to look up to. I felt like throwing my hands in the air and screaming “Fuck the world!” I’ve met so many people in what we call the Avenged family that have helped me through the past year. Wow, has it really been that long? It seems like longer. I guess that’s because the pain of losing you has made time drag on. I saw Matt, Zacky, Brian and Johnny on September 4th in Atlanta, Georgia. Throughout the whole show, they all looked like they were on the brink of tears. Especially during the tribute to you when they played “So Far Away” and “Afterlife.” I’ll be seeing them again January 26th in Knoxville, Tennessee. I know you aren’t going to be there physically, even though I hope you’d be, but I know you’re going to be there mentally and spiritually. If that didn’t make sense, well, you should know what I’m meaning to say. “Dear God, I pray James ‘The Rev’ Sullivan is in A Little Piece of Heaven in the Afterlife making the angels Scream. He Seized the Day in Bat Country, then Burned It Down, his Unholy Confessions Trashed and Scattered. We gave him the Strength of the World and he gave us a Second Heartbeat. He is M.I.A. but will Walk through Think and Thin to The Wicked End. May you be in an Eternal Rest. A Synyster man who will leave his Shadows behind and strikes with a Vengeance, fearing no Christ for he is a Plague..” Well, I fear I rambled on long enough so I now wish you farewell. I hope to see you wherever you may be in your little piece of heaven in the afterlife.

Much love,
Macky V.