Lethargic New Years!

Hey Lovers and Friends,

How are you?
It's almost been a whole year since I made a journal.
Needless to say I am in shock...... -_-
I forgot how to do all of the fancy typing so it will take a few more journals for me to get back in the hang of it. Well I'd like to say that not much has happened over this year but then I'd be lying.

I said in earlier posts that James joined the Army and is stationed some place other than home, yeah he was stationed in Virginia. He was supposed to be there for three years but they gave him new orders and he will set foot in Baghdad on his birthday at the end of March of this year. He was supposed to get married at the end of February but that was moved up, WAAAAY up to Dec. 27th so yes he is 20 years old and has been married for five days. Early this morning he left California to go Back to Virginia... his new wife will be joining him in four days.

My older brother Patrick is another story, he is finally back out here and is marching to his own drum as always. The good things about this is that he finally has a stable job and girlfriend that is closer in his age range.... age usually doesn't matter to me but when they are just going into high school and you have been out for a year or so then i think its kinda creepy. (her parents were okay with everything). But nevertheless I am proud of him, he has improved his life very much and i hope it gets even better.

Sigh Ryan, what is there to say about him? He is annoying and just a pain in the butt. He turned nine in November and is three inches shorter than me. He thinks he is stronger than me and uses it against me knowing that I can do nothing. I believe he has an eating problem but hey so do most of Americans. Not I'm not saying that to be rude or anything I mean I'm not the thinnest person around but I know when to stop and I know what to eat and I can resist. He on the other hand cannot.

Hmmm My Mom. She is off in her own little world as always (usually on the computer) she has a new job now and I hardly see her but is it bad that I'm kinda okay with that. I mean when I do see her we usually fight. Thats not how its supposed to be. Oh well.

My Dad.... he is just kinda there I mean we have a regular relationship? I honestly don't know.... just kidding I lied. he keeps putting me in the middle of a situation that I do not want to be in and it irritates the fuck outta me to the point that he and I swap a few words. other than that he and i are okay.

I feel like crap, notice the title?
I don't remember the last time I have ever felt this lonely. my doctor says I'm might be in a downward spiral. oh joy. my doctor also confirmed that I do in fact have P.C.O.S. .... I told her that two years ago. sigh I'm a senior in high school and I have no motivation to even finish. My best friend Mel is becoming concerned with me, with my grades and my moods. she is one of the monitors to help out the freshmen at school and so she was asked to help out when the Yellow ribbon foundation came out. she knows about my past and she knows whats going on in my life and she started asking questions and I would have had no problem with it if I didn't feel like she only asked because I am apparently showing warning signs that would lead her to think I would commit suicide or start self harming. SHE KNOWS MY PAST AND HOW I FEEL ON THOSE SUBJECTS AND KNOW I WOULD NEVER! but she chose to ask anyways. I don't remember if i have ever mentioned a Zack in any of my posts but he's this guy that I was kinda off and on again with since we reconnected freshman year we this year was supposed to be our year ya know? so it was homecoming and we had planned on going to the dance together and as much as I love football he doesn't and I'm okay with that so I went to the game and tried texting him to ask if he was there yet cause thats what he planned to do but I never got a response back, I though he was just getting ready or didn't have his phone or anything I wasn't worried. but after the game Mel and I walked out to see him chatting it up on the bench with some other chick and I still wasn't really worried. it wasn't til half way through the dance did i see him dancing with this chick and I got pissed. but nonetheless enjoyed the dance with Mel. well I thought that I had hid my emotions but Mel knew. the next two days he didn't answer his phone at all. and I decided that was it. unfortunately I see him everyday during passing period. it hurts so much he has to know right?! Mel hates him, Richard Hates him, my mom hates him (and she used to like him). Mel and Richard would "kill" me if I talked to him. and according to my mom I am not allowed to talk to him. I have cut off most of my ties with him but I can't bring myself to delete his number from my phone. a couple days before Christmas my friend Jace ( who kinda hangs out in the same group) told me that no one likes her except him and that she is a "chub chaser"....... i didn't know what that was so I asked.... and wow.. REalLY people?! I couldn't help but wonder if that were true and if that was the only that she was with him...

thats not all that happened, but I think you get the jist of it.
I hope to find some sort of motivation st at lease post a journal.
thanks for reading
-Brittany