A thankfully blurry photo of me, Tann and Alex being twats.
Last night Tann invited me round Ed’s house. I don’t get to see her that much these days now that we go to different schools, so it was nice to get the invite. She picked me up in her car. Riding with Tann is always fun because she’s crazy. She only recently passed her test so whenever she get s a tad freaked by something like a lorry behind her, or a steep hill she screams at the top of her lungs and then proceeds to laugh her head off. Otherwise, she’s singing along to the radio at the top of her God-awful singing voice.
When we reached her boyfriend’s house, Alex was already there. Alex is Ed’s best friend. I’ve only met him a few times before — once in the early stages of Tann’s and Ed’s relationship, when she, Jess, and me met up with Ed & Jamie round Alex’s, house, and another time when I was invited to Alex’s house party, and another time in the summer when a large group of us hung out on The Green in town. All of that was back in 2009.
Alex has changed a lot. He doesn’t wear glasses anymore, he wears contacts. He doesn’t care for fishing as much as he did and instead he’s more interested in playing drums in his band. He’s still interested in nature though; he wants to study wildlife at uni — the same uni i’d like to go to. He’s much more comfortable around girls, and with himself in general. He’s still very funny, sweet and incredibly goodhearted though.
The four of us had a fun night. Tann and Alex raced cars to the shop to get snacks ('m glad I was a passenger of Tann's car because she's much more careful drive than Alex :S - unfortauntely that also meant we lost there AND back. Although on the way back we got side-tracked by singing along to whip my hair). Then we drank beers, bantered about everyone’s sexuality’s and the possibility of Alex losing his virginity to me (Tann swore to me she wasn’t trying to set us two up but I know she lies!), and then having deep conversations about the supernatural, and the history of our town. Apparently it once held a wooden castle, which Tann found utterly hilarious.
We all slept in Ed’s bed. At first it was me - spooned by Tann - spooned by Ed - bum to bum with Alex because the two refused to spoon each other. Because there wasn’t enough room this way, it turned into Alex - spooned by me - spooned by Tann - spooned by Ed. I had to sort of hug Alex too because there was no arm space (I actually quite liked it, I think because I could feel his heartbeat and that’s such a cool thing to feel on another person). The banter from Ed and Tann was unbelievable though. It was an hilarious night and I’m glad I went.
I want to hear from Alex again, but I don’t thnik it will happen. I’m trying not to get too hopeful because every guy I think has the potential make me fall in love with them ends up breaking my heart.
School starts again tomorrow. Double law first thing with my stalker. I want to die right now. But I told myself last night — when I was crying with laughter at Tanya’s jokes about the wooden castle — that I should remind myself of times like these whenever I feel this way. Even when Im alone, unmotivated, and feeling hollow, and hopeless about my future, I can’t forget there are still moments of great happiness to come.
I still haven’t decided whether they’re worth living for, but I can’t just disregard them, can I?:)
~
My mum is downstairs in the living room, talking to a man called Neil. I had to go downstairs and say hi to him. He’s massive and and serious and scary and I don’t want to see him again.
He’s obsessed with my mum. He sends her love songs. She says she invited him round for tea today because she feels sorry for him. My dad had already left for Surrey by the time I got back this morning. I sort of wanted him to come back, see mum with Neil and go crazy so Neil had to leave, but then I realised it would just make him and mum hate each other even more than they already do.
And then he’d go back to Surrey, and drink himself silly and maybe even commit suicide.
^
I wrote this earlier. I don't know what compelled me to. Ummm, don't be suprised if I delete this soon.
~
I love it when sweet and shy guys become confident without losing the sweetness.
Question: Have you ever ended up liking someone you thought you'd never ever like? Even if only friend-wise?