Why is my family so messed up?

About a year and a half ago, my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with the bulbar onset of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, better known as Lou Gehrig's disease. The doctors told her she had 6 months to live. She is still alive today.

Though early on, she expressed the wish to not receive a feeding tube, she eventually gave in. She soon began to lose the ability to speak all together, and resorted to writing on a dry-erase board. Around that time, a few family members (2) began to help her out. She now can barely walk, can only move her hands to point at letters on a board, and only makes faint grunting/whining sounds. The grand total of people who help her now: 3. Out of her 5 children, only two help because one is in another state in prison for possession and intent to distribute methamphetamine, and another can't be trusted after stealing her wedding band to pawn for drugs. The other, my mother, can't stay to help because she has two smaller children, who (by my grandmother's husband) are not allowed down there, and he can't stand her because she actually calls him out on his sh*t.

I find it quite saddening when I go to help care for her sometimes. Her husband is so cruel to her, barely helping her and ends up mocking her and hurting her when he does. I wish I could defend her more, but I would rather stay quiet and remain taking care of her, than be thrown out and her left alone with him.

Her youngest child can barely be bothered with her care, though he has been appointed the executor of her estate. He stays the bare minimum, claiming to have to work, though this has been proven false. I have been called numerous times in the middle of the night, to come stay with her because he needs to get errands done, and get home to his family. He even called me in the middle of a snow storm telling me he was leaving her because he couldn't risk his family being out in the snow, and that I had to come take over. When asked "What about me being in the snow?" he replied, "So, what about you?" What makes me even more mad at him, is that she pays his bills for him, made the down-payment on his house, and gave him money to buy a car (because he and his dumb wife wrecked BOTH of their cars in one month), and the total time he stays is about 10 hours a week. Still he complains that he's there too much.

My aunt is the only one who seems to give a damn, besides my mom, who has been essentially banished. She is down there almost everyday that I, or my uncle, can't be there.

I love being around my grandmother. Even though she is losing the ability to control her body, her mind is still intact. We watch movies together, and we have (albeit short) conversations through her letter board. I'll tell her stories about my day, brush her hair for her, give her medicines, and feed her via tube. I am the only grandchild, out of the 5 that are capable of doing so, that takes care of her. The reasons are, 3 of them are constantly high (no lie) and the other one can't even take care of himself, and he's 22.

I just find it sad that with the amount of family members who could be helping, the majority would rather take the possessions that she gave out, and turn their backs on her. I understand that it takes a major physical and emotional toll, but I think they should put that aside to make a poor dying woman happy.
January 5th, 2011 at 09:23am