I started a conversation with Samantha assuming we weren't together anymore because she kept talking about this chick like we were just friends. It was really weird & it bothered me a lot & she hadn't kissed me or hugged me or anything at all in three days. So I assumed we weren't together anymore & said something which sorta lead to us breaking up.
What I said was "so we're over, yes?" completely not thinking that it sounded like I was breaking up with her & then later I realized what I had done & I was like !@#$ ::cheese: ::omgno: (even though smileys don't work in journals. ::tehe:) Basically, I feel like a f*cking idiot because that is not what I meant to do. I was just... angered & sorta scared, I guess.
She let a girl she likes kiss her cheek & only told me because she was excited & then the next day the girl gave her her jacket & it freaked me out & made me worry that when she said "I would never cheat on you" there might actually be a lie behind that.
Now I feel like an idiot because I finally got her back & then accidentally lost her again & I just... ::facepalm: I feel stupid. I've made such a big deal about being with her & then freak out & get jealous &... !@#$.
I want her back. I really do. But I don't think I could get her back & I've done so much in this relationship trying to get her back & I just want her to want me back but I don't know if she does other than the fact she said "I didn't mean to lose you." to me yesterday & then kept complimenting me. But me being the shy, awkward human I am, just stood there like a f*cking idiot & then she thought she made me mad. I probably could have gotten her back. I want her back. I want to be able to hug her & kiss her& everything we did before but now I've lost her again & I'm a freaking idiot.
::facepalm: & she's gonna read this & then say something about it & I'm just going to feel more stupid if if she tells me she doesn't want me back. So Samantha, if you don't, please just don't say anything about this. Like, ever. Yeah, ever will work.
Oh, Mibba, why can't I think before I say things?
January 7th, 2011 at 03:36pm