I met this guy through a mutual friend in September. It was one of those times where I instantly felt comfortable around him. That doesn't happen often for me, but we were fast friends. He was a lot like me. He is one of the people that urges me to do stupid things. I also have a crush on him. Kind of. It's weird. I love being around him, and I'm attracted to him, but I don't get that squirmy butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling. Not that it really matters.
Last night, I braved going out in a blizzard to hang out with some friends. He showed up, too. We started off playing Monopoly while having a few casual drinks, but then we got a little more rowdy and a lot more liquor was brought out. We finished our Monopoly game and then decided to play a drinking game. This is where I should have stepped back and taken a break, but that never seems to work for me. I'm too stupid to know when to stop.
One strategy that we all use in this game is to reveal one another's secrets. It's mean and cruel, but we all trust one another so we don't care. If there were strangers there, it would be different. Anyways, we had a long discussion about masturbation, and how often each person in the room does it. Shortly after that, it was revealed that I have never had sex. It's not a big deal to me; it's a choice. I just haven't wanted to do anything whenever the opportunity arises. I understand why they were surprised, though. I don't seem like the frigid type, and I crave excitement. It only seems logical for me to have done it by now.
By this point we should have gone out to the bar, but due to the insane weather we stayed in. We wound up meeting the neighbour and playing with his guinea pigs for some reason. Later on I was chatting with the guy I mentioned earlier, and we were laughing about this one time when he convinced me to give him a drunken hair cut. I was nice about it, and I hardly cut anything off. Then he decided that he needed to have a big chunk of hair cut off right that second. He couldn't find scissors, so he handed me a knife. I'm not quite stupid enough to try that. Someone then handed me some scissors, which was probably not a good idea. He wound up with a nice bald spot.
He seems pretty happy with it. The picture actually makes it look worse than it is. But still... it's not good... Clearly, he is just as stupid as I am. If not more so.
After all the excitement wound down, I had another chat with him. It started off with me apologizing for his hair, but he just laughed and said, "It might not be funny tomorrow, but it's really funny tonight!" He was wrong. We talked today, and it's still funny. It will be funny for a long time.
But while we were talking, he started asking about why I hadn't had sex. He thought that I was lying. And it is extremely awkward to have a conversation about sex and masturbation with the guy you like. It's a good thing that I was drunk.
I was trying to go to sleep in my best friend's bed later on, and she decided that we needed to talk about why I hadn't had sex yet. I still don't get why it's a big deal. I don't care one way or the other, so why does everyone else? But then she started asking what I would do if that guy tried anything with me. And I admitted that I would probably have sex with him. That seemed to open up a whole other can of worms. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I had turned down so many guys before, even ones that I was dating, but I would willingly sleep with this guy. I tried to explain that to me, it's a trust thing. For some reason, I really trust him. I have issues with trusting people, but he never really had to work for it. Everything with him was just easy. So if I'm going to go all the way with someone, shouldn't it be someone I'm totally comfortable with?
This isn't really a journal about whether or not premarital sex is valid. I'm not looking to start a debate, because I really don't care either way. I just needed to get this whole thing off my chest, and nobody is home for me to talk to. I'm just kind of frustrated. I wish that people would see that it's not a big issue with me.
Other than that, it was one of the best nights I've had in a long time.