Every Single Day.

I sit there, ignored.
You try to talk to me,
But I say no.
I tried to get his attention,
But he refused to even
Glance at me.

I deal with something new.
I have to pull myself through without
Showing how truly depressed I really am.
I have to look at all the adults in my life and tell them
Everything is just fine.
Because when I searched for help,
They were there..
Yet I never got any.

I feel completely empty.
I take everything in so painfully,
I worry about who you're seeing.
I am paranoid of what you're doing.
And when you don't say one word to me,
It makes be wonder if I am another normal human being.

I have never disrespected you.
I have always talked to you.
We had fine days..
But when I try to repeat them,
You can't take them in.

I wonder what it'd be like,
If I weren't gay.
Maybe even liking one,
If It was clearer..
It would be easier.
I am in love with him.
I have waited four years for him.
But you come alone wanting everything,
my sex, my heart, my hand to hold.

Today you tried to kiss me.
I pushed you off and said no.
You said I had to feel something.
But that feeling has disappeared.
I thought about telling you never again..
But that can never happen.
I need you to be the one to walk away, to wait.

My parents,
They don't care.
They look at me and say
It's normal
For a fourteen-year-old girl
To be going through this.
I do not believe that one bit.
My friends are getting into drinking.
Smoking.
My friend just lost her virginity.
And no she doesn't talk to me.
She changed and is better.
Everyone has a reason to be better than me.
Everyone can find a way to fit in.
Besides me.

Was is cheating?
When you kissed me..
I didn't want it.
But I sure want to tell him.
He would hate you..
Maybe even me.
But if you take your words, and put them somewhere else,
I'd hate you and your big mouth.
Because then he'd hate the both of us.
And everyone around him,

I think about hurting myself,
how horrible it would be from someone to find me.
I deny the fact that I should do it..
And leave it all behind.
I would do anything to help his life..
Anything to help yours.
I want him to realize,
What I've been going through,
See what I'm crying for.

But he just ignores it and makes fun of me.
He is embarassed of being with me.
Why?
We have done this before.
Is this too much for your fake self you have turned into?
Will you not be the same equality, when your girlfriend..
Is me?
The popular girls like you.
You know it's true.
But what do I do?
I have no one to talk to.
I have no one to cheat on you with but Paige..
and if you would fucking talk to me,
I would tell you what happened.

But you don't care.
Hell, who does?