He raped me....

His name they ask….i don’t want to reply. I don’t see why I should have to. Yet their eyes stare at me so unforgiving so unbelieving. My breath shudders as I remember his name and I remember the weeks of nightmares I had, where I would wake up screaming and clutching my blanket tears running down my face. They still happen you know. Then there are the mornings when I look into the mirror in my room and all I see is someone who’s ugly, that night changed me. I take a deep breath and reply my voice faltering, “His name…his name was Richard he went by Rich or Richie or at least that’s what I heard people calling him at the party” I space out remembering that night. July 27th one month before my birthday, and look away from their astonished eyes, their astonished disgusted eyes. I wait for someone to say something but neither of them speaks, you would think they would at least hug me. And finally she speaks up her boyfriend unable to do it she says with an awkward laugh “well man that really sucks at least it’s over with right? How about we go out tonight have a girls night? ” we say goodbye to her boyfriend and get into the car and she immediately says let’s not talk about that ever again that was way too creepy for me girl. I just nod my head and turn on the radio. That night has changed me in more ways than I could have ever imagined. The clothes that I was wearing still hang in my closet whenever I touch them the hurt and pain come back. Him laughing as I fought to get away from him, no one hearing my screams above the music outside him punching me and hitting me, the broken glass bottle slicing across my back as I finally broke free and ran towards the door. He threw it at me, it sliced my back open not too badly but enough to bleed and shattered against the door. He told me if I didn’t get back over there I would be sorry. I spat at him and told him I already was for coming to this party and ran out the door grabbed a towel from the downstairs bathroom and ran out to see if my friend Jerry was there. None of this would have happened if I had gone with him to get cigs. But I wanted to stay and drink some more. His truck was pulling into the field and I ran up to it. I can’t imagine how I must have looked to people a girl in a towel running towards a truck; they all shrugged it off as me being wasted. He opened the door heard me screaming his name and caught me as I collided into him sobbing and screaming. He asked why I was all bloody and where my clothes were and all I could do was point at Richie walking down to the field with a smug look holding my clothes in his hand lighting up a joint. He called across the field “OH MY LOVELY LADY YOU FORGOT YOUR CLOTHES UP IN JERRYS ROOM COME AND GET THEM FROM ME YOU NAUGHTY LITTLE THING HOW DARE YOU RUN AWAY I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULD BE SORRY” Jerry looked at me confused and all I could reply with was a whimper of “he raped me” . He didn’t wait for anything else he screamed out that he had 30 seconds to go to his car leave my clothes on the grass and to get the hell out of his party. Everyone else now was looking around like what the hell is going on here as Jerry picked me up and put me inside his truck and locked the doors and gave me the keys. “Don’t open the doors for anyone except me Rachael or Alex okay babe?” and he shut the door after kissing me on the forehead and promising it would all be okay and that I was safe now. I sat inside the truck disgusted with myself wondering how I of could let him over power me as I watched Jerry walk across the field, you could see the anger in him from the way he walked. Richie must of gotten scared because when Jerry started towards him, he dropped my clothes turned and ran to his car and was gone. Jerry turned around knocked on the window and I opened the door. He told me to go get cleaned up as he walked me up to the house he touched my back I flinched and he moved the towel and saw the blood that covered the white towel and that had gotten onto his hand from when he picked me up. When he saw the gash across my back and the bruises all along my body and the other small cuts and burn marks he handed me over to our friend Rachael and kissed me on forehead and said he’d be back in a little bit then ran back to his truck grabbing his friend Alex along the way. I didn’t know where they were going all I knew was that I wanted to get cleaned up and take a long nap. Rachael helped clean me up then stood guard at the door until Jerry came back at 5 am and woke me up. We sat down by the pond by the dying fire for a while until he finally blurted out “you won’t have to worry about him ever again Kim I promise” I looked at him confused. He pulled out his gun and sat it down at my feet and said “no one will ever get away with hurting you as long as I’m here Kim” I looked at him astonished then went on to lecture him about how he could go to jail for it. He told me not to worry about it and that it wouldn’t happen that they probably wouldn’t find the body for a long time and by the time they did any evidence would be long gone.
Well I guess the whole point of this is that on January 3rd 2011 they picked him up for speeding and dealing and possession, when they picked him up they found an unregistered gun under his seat. They had found Richie’s body back in October in a shallow grave over in PA by the mountains. They matched Jerry’s gun to the murder weapon and he was taken to jail with a bail posted at 25 grand. His court date is set for February 7th 2011 he can get anywhere from 1 month to life for the charges against him. I want to testify that I told him to go and kill him because I was raped by the man that is dead, but he won’t hear of it he says he did it not me and that I shouldn’t try to lessen the sentence and that he will get what he deserves…I don’t want to live with the guilt of ruining one my best friends lives. I don’t know what to do HELP!!!