I'm proud that for once in my life I can honestly say that I'm comfortable being myself. I was raised to do things because they make me happy & not to care what others think & that lesson has finally sunk in. When I was little I spent so much time comparing myself to others & worrying that if I did things that I liked people would tease me. I really don't care anymore. Judge me if you must, I don't live my life to make you happy. I live my life to make myself happy. In three years the people I know in real life's opinions of me aren't going to matter anymore. Chances are if you're judging me now you're not going to be in my life forever. The people that do not judge me, do not try to criticize every move that I make, those are the people that I will want to stick around.
Six months ago I didn't think I'd live to see past seventeen. I didn't want to. I thought I was going to be alone forever & I was scared that I'd be like my mom, no idea what I wanted to do so just never picking a career. I'm still scared of those things, but somehow without them or myself even realizing it people in my life have given me hope that every thing is going to turn out okay.
I guess I can kind of thank my ex for making me realize these things. If she hadn't of disliked so many things about me I wouldn't have realized how truly okay with being myself I am. I also wouldn't have realized that somewhere out there there is someone who is going to love me for me. For all of me. The weird parts, the normal parts, and the parts that come along (my family).
My best friends, Hailey and Jada, have put up with all my shit in the past four months. They've shown me what I shouldn't have to deal with, told me what I deserve, given me hope that things will get better, made me feel better when I was down, etc. I'm incredibly lucky to have two such amazing people in my life. ::arms:
-------------------------------Live through this & you won't look back...
-------------------------------Live through this & you won't look back...
-------------------------------Live through this & you won't look back...
I have hope.
January 21st, 2011 at 07:30pm