it's almost been three hundred and sixty five days.

it's weird to think that it's been alomst a year since we first met. i remember how perfect you were, how small you were and how much love i felt when i saw you for the first time.
seriously, nothing compared to the love i felt for you. because i finally had a family of my own.
your mum, my brother, your brother and you; my nephew.
you were the only direct family i had left apart from my brother. and during the whole nine months i waited to finally meet you, i put so much into you.
you were my one life line, the thing that kept me tied down to the world. you were my responsibilty. not properly because you were only my nephew and not my son but you were as good as. i would have done anything for you. all i ever wanted was for you to know how much i loved you, and how amazing i knew you were. i only ever wanted to be there for you because i knew that oen day you would relie on me just as much as i relied on you.
i remember every last detail about you. i remember every last second i spent with you.
i remember how i started crying when when we went for a 3D scan. i was hoping you weren't gonna come out as ugly as the scan made you look though. and you didn't, you were beautiful.
sometimes, i feel like having you taken away from me was a punishment for loving you too much and doing so much wrong in my life. i guess i'll never know.
i read up on cot death you know, it's supposed to be rare. well if it is so fucking rare why did it happen to you!?
when i go to your grave sometime this week or next week for the first time, i'm going to leave you something nice. a letter from your favourite auntie and a teddie too, so you can have cuddles from me even when i'm not there. i never want you to be alone.
because you, leo, are my angel baby.
and even though i only had three days with you and even though you only had ten days, you will live on in my heart and soul.
i love you sweetie.
never forget that.