My Fault.

I know I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I can never take them back, because no matter how much I can regret them, the wounds impacted my them are going to stay forever. I realized something today though, and I think it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to admit. I know I'm not perfect, hell I'm really far from being even remotely close to perfect. I do really stupid things, especially when I care too much about people. People tell me I'm amazing, but, how can someone that destroys people's lives be amazing? They can't. That's not the point though...

See, one of my best friends, she really loved this guy, and I was happy for her for a really long time, because he made her happy, but then she told me that she was hurting because of his statuses and everything, that she was scared. Every time they had a fight, he'd post a status about how he wanted to kill himself, or that he would, and it was killing her. It was then that my overbearing careless caring kicked in...

I acted on what she told me, partially because I'd been there before with the same boy, and I knew how much it could hurt and effect you, and partially because I cared about her. I told her about a lot of things, some I probably shouldn't have... I wasn't thinking about the outcomes though, all I knew was that I didn't want to see her hurting the way I got hurt from that. So I unintentionally convinced her to leave him. Maybe the idea wasn't completely mine, but I sure fed to it.

I didn't mean to, I really didn't. I just didn't want her to be hurt, and in the course of two months, he'd hurt her over a 1,000 times. Yes, I made her write a list. She left him, but then they were still talking and they still both loved each other, they were getting close to getting back together too. She wasn't happy though, because he was still hurting her though, which bothered me. So I convinced her, without meaning to, that she should leave him completely and stop talking to him. She didn't though, she went behind my back and continued talking to him.

I had no say in her choices, because she is after all her own person, but it would have been nice for her to at least be honest with me, instead of lying. That was kind of where our friendship ended, we completely fell apart after that. They didn't get back together, but they may as well have. On new years, they were pretty much perfect, I didn't know though, I didn't know anything until I got back to school and I saw them together.

Not long after though...he came up behind me and told me I'd won. I had no idea what he meant, but it turns out she left for good. Even though I had no part in it that time, apparently, at least to him, it was somehow still my fault. Which is hard to believe since I didn't even know what the hell was going on. I did get answers though, and I was upset, because she was hurt again.

Then suddenly, she seemed okay. She was happy, or that's what I thought, she was smiling, and she wasn't talking about him. She said she hated him; everything. I actually believed it too, I thought she'd moved on, I was wrong. She just buried all the emotions. That didn't last long though, because the moment he had started moving on, she was upset again. She still loved him.

That's irrelevant though, the fact of the matter is, their relationship was destroyed. They fell apart and the only one of the two I care about, is pretty much dying from pain. I can't take back what I did, and I can't even fix things because of everything that happened, they aren't allowed to talk to each other. I broke them, if it wasn't for me, they'd probably still be together...