A Child is Never Wrong in an Abusive Situation

Is a child ever wrong in an abusive situation? Some may argue yes, but quite frankly, I strongly believe that the answer is no. To support my thesis, there are a few things that I need to go over.

What do you as the reader already know? Child abuse (or any type of domestic abuse) is very harmful emotionally to the abuser, victim, and even friends and family around them. There’s in fact a cycle of most abusive relationships; whether or not that’s through boyfriends and girlfriends, spouse and spouse, or parental guardian/adult to a child – it all happens, and they all follow many of the same steps. Typically it is men that turn out to be the abuser in studies, but there are still women out there that fall under the same charges and categories.

All abusive situations start because of an individual wanting all of the power and control. To lots of abusers, it’s fun – almost like a game, and that abuser never “plays fair”, either. Gaining control over another human being often includes guilt, shame, fear, and even physical harm against you or someone close to you. Most often of all is threats. Abuse, Guilt, Excuses, Acting Normal, Planning Against You, and Setting You Up; they’re all cycle steps towards another bruise – inside or out.

But what makes it so hard to leave or get yourself out of harm’s way? If you ask someone whose experienced such things (including myself), it’s often said that the “Acting Normal” stage is the one that causes it. Within this stage, victims will often receive that “I love you”, and apologies. Especially for children, this is one of the toughest stages to tackle.
So why is it that I believe that a child is never wrong in an abusive situation? Really think! Every parent/guardian has very important duties and responsibilities to handle in order to raise a child! Though all families and homes have difference expectations and rules, there are some things that are simply common sense.

One: A child is a child! No adult should have the right the physically or emotionally hurt a child. No one on Earth in fact should have the right to harm one another like that! Obviously a parent is older, bigger, and much more powerful. What would you do if you were that child being weakened through your own physical and mental health? A child will feel worthless, powerless, and helpless – completely trapped, with no escape, and no sense of mercy. Lashing back out with words and self defense is so often out of fear. It is all a child with that knowledge and mindset could think to do if they felt that there was no way out. Therefore, how could they be doing anything wrong? They’re defending themselves, for crying out loud!

Your actions as a parent will affect that child for the rest of their life. Such as their responses to normal life situations changing; and it could potentially haunt them until the day that they die. And not only are you causing this damage to them, it could also potentially affect family members and friends, as well. Children experiencing abuse often have a low self esteem, show increasingly stronger personality changes, and may be depressed, anxious, ect.

So why on Earth would you blame the children for being wrong? You as the adult are responsible for your child and every situation they come across, including abuse. They are your responsibility until they become adults themselves. Therefore, it is never a child to blame. A lot may be opinion, but look at the facts first. It makes sense. After all, you’re the one that raised them.

Emma Papineau
Illinois

resources: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm