tears on a loaded gun

So I barely ever write these things, I had intentions too one time, but then someone kind of made me feel bad about it. All I did was put MY own personal thoughts down in here and she pretty much told me that I was wrong, It escalated, and I told her I was going to kill myself... She said I was over reacting, can you believe that stranger reading this? I told her I was going to kill myself. I, a stranger she has never met, and all she said is that i was over reacting. Isn't that sad what the world has come to? I know if I met a stranger who said they were going to kill themselves I would try to stop them, wouldn't you? I know that I would take a bullet for anyone no matter race, gender, opinions on life etc. I would end my life for the sake to know that I died making sure that I gave someone else the gift to keep living on...
I am more or less writing this just to see if anyone gives a damn as much as I do in this world, because sometimes it feels like no one cares about me, though I try to care about everybody else.
[My tab key doesn't work so I always have weird formatting for these(this was more for comic relief but still to inform the reader the reason for why it was typed like this.)]
I am a big comic relief person as you can tell. ^^^
Comedy has just sort of always been there for me you know?
Like regardless of how many bad people there are in the world, there is always a smile, or a laugh, or a joke to cheer you up, that is part of the reason why I paint a smile on my face every day when I wake up. Because I like to think that a smile is a chain reaction, if someone see's mine, maybe they might smile too, just maybe, and knowing that I had the privilege to make that random person smile is just a heavenly feeling, at least that's how I view it.
I try to be friendly to everyone too, because I know what it is like to have no friends, no shoulder to cry on, no person to hold. So now I stand in public with open arms hoping that I am grateful enough to be there for someone. To be a friend to anyone who pleases it be that way.
A lot of emotions have been running through my head recently. My best friend pretty much just told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore... I told him how I felt and ran away when I needed him the most.
Some friend huh?
I mean like I said before if I saw a stranger telling me they were going to kill themselves I would help them, be there for them, hold them, love them, whatever they needed to get through the day.
But I guess everyone is different right?
I just didn't think my best friend would be...
So to that girl I told I was going to kill myself, I really was ready to do it.
I had a gun in my hand, loaded and everything... and somehow when you said you didn't care because i was a stranger that made me not want to end it anymore, because I realized something I don't think you ever will. I will be there for strangers and you will not. I will hold my hand out to those who need it and you will watch them burn. I will get hit by a car to make someone laugh, and you would rather see them cry. I feel sorry for you stranger where ever you are in this world today because I learned to love unconditionally, and I fear that you, or people like you, never will. My best friend ran when I needed him the most, just like how I called out to help for you and you just stood there pretty much not caring.
To both of you, I'm in tears. Typing this cry for help for no reason, and the chances of you seeing it are slim... but I hope that to anybody else reading this that you will learn to love, because the power of hate has an affect on people and words go a long way, being said, or not. for now that's about all I have to say...