Febuary 23rd will be two years

I wonder if it’ll make it till then. If it does, will it make it much past then? You do this thing… where you’ll go for a span of time without talking. I’m two hours away so I don’t see you or hear from you, unless I force it upon you. You know how much I hate that. I always think the worst.

But there’s a sicking silence when I don’t talk to you. I could be talking to everyone in the world, but if I don’t talk to you, I hear nothing.

I wonder what gets you in these moods. You get mad when I question if you want to be with me. You don’t like my paranoid side. But you can’t blame me. My whole life has been a series of people leaving me, and I am not ok with that. You yourself have broken up with me twice, and maybe I’m a fool for taking you back.

But it’s so good this time.

Valentines day is coming up and I wonder if you will say something to me, or if I’ll have to say something to you. I don’t expect you to come see me, or for you to send me a gift. I’m not materialistic, and frankly this is a stupid holiday.

But I’d be nice to hear from you. Preferably before then. Because I tell myself I wont say anything and I do good for a day or two.

But I cave in. You’re the only one I’ve let inside my wall I’ve created to keep people out. But like me, that caves too.