Perfect

I know I'm not perfect, and I'll probably be the farthest from it. I can be the biggest bitch in the world most days, and I really don't care what people think. I never think about what I say before I say it, which is a horrible idea, but I don't care. The fact of the matter is, that whether I am perfect, or a total low life scum, I'll still be happy, even when everyone realizes I'm worth nothing.
Truth be told, most of the things I do are because I WANT my friends to leave me, I WANT to be alone. I already feel that way, why not make it permanent? It's hard though, to push people away, so I keep trying to make them leave, not that they do. I should be happy that I have loyal friends, but I'm not.
Maybe during the day when I'm with them I'm happy, but as soon as I'm alone with my thoughts, everything I hate about myself flows into my brain and eats me alive. I am a hypocrite, I am a bitch, and I want to be alone. I can't keep pretending I love everything, and I can't keep being nice. I need to speak my mind, and honestly, I say fuck it. I'm. Done.