Suicide

I just watched a movie about a boy who committs suicide (interesting choice considering the poem I wrote, and my own state of mind, although I'm not there yet). Anyway he goes to this place in Heaven that is just for people who committed suicide, and the most ironic part of it all is that the "Heaven" is just as miserable as regular life on Earth.
This movie, along with a lecture I heard today on religion, got me thinking how brave people are who committ suicide. No matter how religious you are you can't be 100% positive about heaven. It can't be proven. I don't believe in it myslelf, but others do, but even if you do you dont know you just believe. Maybe if you committ suicide you will go to heaven, but maybe you wont, maybe you will go to hell, or a place like the movie, or nowhere, or be reincarnated, or like I believe, you will just be dead. But no matter what you believe you wont find out untill you get there (or dont). If you die and end up in a place that is worse than life then there is no turning back. It just shows the hopelessness, yet bravery, of those who do committ suicide.
I always said if I was going to committ suicide I would jump off the Golden Gate Bridge or cut my wrists, but honestly I would want to just be numb as I go, comfortably numb. I think there is a point at which people could actually kill themselves, a point that we drift towards and away from throughout the hardships and wonders of life. What scares me is I don't know how close I am to that point, though I have to admit I am probably closer than I would like to admit. Purhaps all it would take was one event to bring me to that point.
I don't know how many people actually think about suicide, but I suspect it's more than anyone would guess. Not nessarily planning to, just thinking about it. I think people think about it, but wont admit that they do. Not everyone of course, but people of all ages, races, and such. I get this feeling a lot when I am walking looking at others as I pass them, that people really arn't as happy as they want other people to believe they are.

If anyone actually read this far, I hope I didnt offend you, I was just simply writing out my thoughts in case I would ever want to look back and reflect on what I wrote.