Second thoughts/Regrets

The girl I've been seeing... Is a sweet little girl. she's a few months younger than me, and she's shorter, and she's about one-hundred pounds. She has the most beautiful eyes, man... and she's great. The first date I had with her we watched Star Wars IV: A new hope together. THAT's perfect. I plan to ask her out this Valentines day. But I have so many second thoughts.

Firstly, I'm afraid. the last girl I was with... cheated and hurt me. I loved her, and she hurt me. I'm afraid she'll hurt me.
Secondly, I'm afraid; but of hurting her. She might not do anything to hurt me(like the first example I gave) but I'm certainly not trusting anything right now. It... it kills me to be afraid.
Thirdly... I love another girl. The reason I stopped trying to date that girl, is for this one. She didn't love me back, I don't think. The only reason I could stop trying to date her... is because I know what this new girl, who's name is Kristin by the way, wants, which is my love. I wasn't given the chance by the girl I'm in love with... so why not give her exactly what I never got? What I wasn't going to get? I'm fifteen, love isn't that real... is it?

Even if love is real at fifteen, there's nothing I dislike more. it's a good reason to get hurt, and to alienate yourself, and loose reality. And when the person you love has lost reality for long enough... eventually you go to. and if they come out of it faster... then they'll leave.

Now... I'm officially asking this girl out Valentines day. Even with these reservations. We've been dating and I know it could be a great thing. I'm willing to take a risk. I'm willing to love her. But it's going to be hard.

Read my other Journal... it has the note I wrote her in it. Some of my poems show how I feel, and you'll see how I think about love- Very dryly and unwelcomingly, and very real about it.

Thanks for reading.