Am I that f*cked up?!

I want someone that I can honestly tell everything to, everything I feel when I feel it, everything everyone else tells me. Be able to call them in the middle of the night and have them rush over to help with whatever dilemma I have at the moment. I want someone who trust me enough to hope I would do the same for them, because there’s a lot of people now that if I could, I would. I want to be able to go to a guy and have them tell me I’m beautiful and love me for who I am, not just what I appear to be to everyone else....have someone that I’m not ashamed to tell everything to.

I hate being the best friend of everyone that everyone tells everything to. One friend got smashed this weekend at a junior high party, anothers crush has a crush on her sister, another has a crush on one of yet anothers older brother, anothers guy friend just admitted he likes her and she told me (and him) that she likes him...but shes got a bf, another just broke up with her boyfriend two days before Vday, and another likes this total man whore that none of us like. Get my point? Everyone tells ME. I always promise I won't tell anyone cuz I'm not a bitch. But I don't have anyone I can tell all of my problems to. I don't trust anyone not to tell someone else, so no one has the full story, no one knows everything about me. I want someone that I trust enough to tell everything to without worrying they'll tell someone.

Am I really that f*cked up that I can't trust anyone with that?! Am I so f*cked up because I want this so bad?