Jacob.

Jacob.
He is my best friend.
He is the one who keeps me sane.
But now he's gone.
Jacob is currently considered a runaway.

The house he was staying at, the mother of the house kicked him out.
I spent the last half hour sobbing, and spilling out secrets to my mother that I never wanted her to know.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to keep me on the right path anymore.
Nothing holds any interest for me anymore without him.
He kept me on the right path, he reminded me what was wrong, even when I knew, but chose to ignore it.
I can't ignore him.
He is my brother.
Jacob is my brother, and forever will be.
I can't understand the connection we have, and I don't think I ever will.
But that's okay. He understands me, I understand him.
I'll love him forever, immortality just seems that much more appealing by the fact that I'll literally be able to love him forever.
An eternity would be just a day, another day that I'll be able to have those long conversations with him that usually don't make any sense, but are entertaining all the same.
Another day that we'll be able to do the things that no one would understand but us.
I don't want someone to intrude on that.
But I can't really stop that from happening.
I can't be selfish.
Especially with a person as loveable as Jacob.
Everyone loves him.
But only a choice few know what's under the exterior.
I know, and I'll never judge him for it.

Sometimes, he makes me so angry.
He pities himself when he should be screaming at someone else.
Or maybe that's just me.
I can't honestly express his importance to me in words.
No matter how hard I'm trying.

Jacob is my life.
He keeps me from leaving this earth.
He keeps me in school.
He keeps me on track, well the track that hasn't already been torn down.

If I live without him, I'll end going down that rocky road that leads to me spending my nights and days in a padded cell.

I want him to read this.

Jacob, if you're reading this,
Know I spent the entire car ride home sobbing.
I told my mom about my sexuality.
Aren't you proud?
I miss you, already, I know.
I'm going to therapy sometime next week.
For what?
Probably to check out my schitzophrenia, maybe Bipolar syndrome, or clinical depression.
Either way, it's going to be one hell of a therapy sessions.
You know what?
I'll bet they'll tell me I need you.
That is, if you leave.
If you leave, trust me.
I'll be fucked.

Anyways, I love you Jacob.
My phone's still at Deanna's.

I'm not leaving my house until Wednesday, because I will end up in jail for assault.
I'm never going back to her house.
At least not anytime soon.
If I went back there tonight, like my mom suggested, I'd have ended up punching her in her face.