Giving up

I am so tired. I am tired of everything in my life. I am so unhappy with what I am dealing with. Have the time I have to spend my days reminding myself that I can't just leave this place cause I still have my mom and I don't want to break her heart. There maybe my little sister keeping me here too. But that's the only people I have in this world. I mean what is the point. All my friends are off starting their lives while I am stuck in these four walls with a girl I don't really care for. I mean if I weren't here anymore she would get the rest of the room to herself, she has already taken up most of it. I am just tired of being treated the way that she treats me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to get away.

I have never drank before but I am old enough to and I just want to start drinking until I have to stop, at least until my friend tells me to stop. I just want to forget. Forget for just a little while that I am happy and free. I just want to be happy. Aren't we all suppose to have something happy about our lives....where is my happy thing? I have lost two great guy friends and watched as my best friend lost her 5 year old sister, who I loved dearly. There seems to be a pattern in my life about losing people. Every two years some on I am close to and that has a place in my heart dies. I don't know who is next. This is year and I am just so scared because I can't handle anymore. I am so afraid of breaking to the point of not getting fixed again.