Pathetic.

Let me start by saying; life is fucked up. Typical from a teenager right? Wrong. Most teenagers aren't going through what I'm going through. I know I know "things can always be worse", but, can they? Am I really lucky because my parents don't beat me and I have friends? I don't think so, because no one is looking at the rest of it. The family problems, the invisible abuse, the friend problems, inner issues, death, etc. No one sees the struggles. They just look at the main parts. Of course those can be worse, but that doesn't mean life is good.

My life is pretty fucking horrible right now. I try to be happy, but lately, it's just not working. I can't find anything worth living for. Every single thing I used to find comfort in, isn't anything anymore. I'm trying to be strong, to keep everything away from my friends...but it's eating me alive. I am killing myself just by keeping it inside. I am so dead inside, that I just want to kill myself literally. I can't find anything to live for. I'm a failure, a fuck up, a dead beat, whatever. I have nothing going for me.

People are like "your friends need you, so does your family", well sure, they'd be hurt...but they'd be better off without me. I drag them down and hold them back. I hurt people, damage them. I can't do anything right. I'm a mess. I'm pretty much ready to just kill myself, but, I don't want to hurt people. I used to love life, now the life left me. I am an empty shell of nothing. I give up.

I need a reason to live...