Because I Love You

I had a dream about him again. It was so clear, I can still see it. It was Winter and we were having a party. We still lived in the old house. . And I was wearing that stupid blue-sweater dress he'd seen me in last. I'd even baked a bloody cake.
But, when I went there, it was just me. Me and him. Why, I didn't know, nor did I want to, I just knew I wanted to get out of there. There was nothing there for me. He'd told me that so very clearly. And the worst part is that he was nice. It hurts the most when the person who broke your heart is nice to you. He went over the top until I couldn't handle it anymore and I left. When I came back, the house had filled with the dogs and people. I could finally relax, I thought.
Wrong.
I had just sat down and someone cut into the cake - I don't remember who it was - and then they stopped and asked me how long ago I'd lit the candle. I couldn't remember, or so I told them. She said that the candle was melted into the cake, so it must have been a very long time ago. And then someone asked me how long I'd been wearing that dress and, all of the sudden, I couldn't remember ever changing out of it. In a flashback, I saw him walking away from me and I was standing there holding a stupid cake for a stupid welcome home party I didn't want to be a part of. It seemed I'd been in the dress for two days or so. As if measuring the actual time he'd been gone in days would make it seem any less long.
Embarrassed, I left, running out.
It flashed back to the house and someone said that if he didn't go after me, they would personally see to it that he doesn't wake up tomorrow. When he hesitated, someone said that they were sure God would forgive him because it was love.
The next thing I saw was him coming out from the house as I ran up my long driveway, trying to get to that damn gate that seemed so far away. I cursed my legs for running so slowly and I finally got to the gate, closing it behind me. I was crying as I held it shut, fighting him as he told me to open it. I told him I can't and pulled harder to keep it shut.
He made a frustrated sound, then pushed the gate the opposite direction, opening it. Freaking out, I turned to run away again, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. He yelled at me, demanding to know why I stood out waiting for him for so long. I just kept saying, "I can't. I can't," and shaking my head. He shook me and shouted my name and demanded to know again and again. Angry, hurt, and tired, I shouted, "Because I love you!"
He seemed to melt a little, and I knew what was coming even before he leaned in. I clamped my hands over my mouth and shook my head furiously. His head snapped back and he demanded to know why. I just squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head again, keeping my hands tight over my mouth.
What could I tell him? That it was because this wasn't real? Because he'd turned away from me and left me to fall apart without him? That, all this time, I'd been searching for a reason to forget him. That even if we wanted, we couldn't be together. Not really. Not with everything he'd said and the empty promises he'd made me believe only to break.
His hands squeezed my arms painfully until I looked at him. His face was so close I could make out every single fleck of his eyes. . Eyes that were filling with tears and turning red.
I was shocked. Who wouldn't be? I was so surprised that my hands dropped on their own, but he made no move towards me. He just stared at me with such hurt. Like it was my fault. Like this pain he was feeling was all my fault. All I could ask was a quiet "why". I wanted to know. I wanted to know why he was doing this to me again. Why, after all this time, he was going to hurt me even more.
He just pulled me close and then he whispered the words I'll never hear in reality. "Because I love you."