"Scared" is a weird word... But could it be what I feel?

Try saying "scared" over and over again... Doesn't it sound so weird? Well, it does to me. So, scared is having a fear of something, yes? But isn't that just all in our heads? Even so, it's still a very real emotion.

So, lately I have been experiencing a sh*tload of headaches. Everyday. But they are weird. They come so suddenly and only hang around for five or ten minutes but they are very frequent. And I would describe them like... Having someone stab a pencil into your left temple. It hurts like no mans business but I'm one that refusses to take painkillers. Why? Maybe because I scared.

My whole life I have been told not to take painkillers unless you really need them but I have this thing where I'm sure that if I leave it just an extra five minutes whatever pain I am experiencing will go away... And then I wont need painkillers...

But the fact that I never take painkillers really annoys my mum. And I never like going to the doctors.. That annoys her too. But why go to the doctors when I am so sure there really isn't anything wrong with me. The reason behind my headaches is probably I don't drink enough.

And since that would mean there is nothing wrong with me it would be both a waste of the doctors time and our time, as well as a waste of money.

For example, the other week I was experiencing excruiating pain by my hip. I gave up and took panadol and tramadol. Neither had any effect. So, after about another hour mum took me to the hospital. When I got there I was very pale, still experiencing pain and headachy and feeling like I wanted to vomit. They examined me but by the time they got to me I was feeling better so I was beginning to feel bad. Like I was wasting valuable time that could be used saving lifes.

Turns out I have a cyst on left ovary. Nothing major, just very painfull.

See, now wasn't that a waste of time for both parties? But my mum can't understand whats wrong with me. Why don't I want to fix myself? Well, maybe it's not just I don't want to waste peoples time but maybe... Just maybe I'm scared that something will in fact be wrong with me. What if it's really serious? Maybe I'm just too scared to deal with the possible outcome so I pretend that nothing wrong.

Could it really be that that silly, bizarre word that is supposidly only something in your head... Could that be what I am feeling?

I think I need help >.<