Bullying and suicide

People are assholes who don't care about issues that are going on in the world. Yesterday was suicide awareness day and people who aren't afraid of what people think paint their faces white and stay silent for the whole day in order to show how people who commited suicide were silenced. But everyone only seemed concerned in making me talk and trying to put me down. And today the bullying was even worse. They didn't get that the day before was us showing them the effects of bullying. The people who die become the "ghosts" of society because their cries were never heard. And these past two days people have shown their true colors. I've been laughed at, tripped on "accident", got things thrown at me, and been driven to the point where I've almost cried. I'm a really emotional person and this hurt me dearly. These past two days have been hell for me and I've been trying to hold it all in, but I had to speak out about it somewhere because I had no where else to put it. I didn't want to put it where friends of mine could see because I don't want friends of mine to see what I've been going through. Most of my friends are upperclassmen or they've already graduated from High School, so I try not to tell them what goes on everyday. And I'm not trying to tell them now because in about 3 weeks I'm transferring anyway. But all of the same things will happen no matter what school I go to so I'm honestly not expecting anything different. I already know I'm strange and I embrace it. Others choose to either ignore it or put me down and I'm past my breaking point. I don't know what to do because I feel so hurt by this. They're starting what they started in 8th grade, but this time they are really trying to finish me off. I am trying not to let this get to me but I've been trying not to let this get to me for 3 years. I've changed myself for a better well-being of myself but all everyone wants to do is try to put me down because they know they can. And the more I ignore it the worse they try to make it. They want to see my pain to make them feel better but I'm trying not to let it show. I've learned to wear a mask around people but it seems to be breaking and I'm really vulnerable at this point. I feel so beaten down by there words these people have said to me that I just don't know what to say anymore.. Honestly... There's nothing I can say. I can just "grin and bear it" Like I have for all these years. That's the reason why I transferred schools in 6th grade, why I transferred in 7th grade to another school for 8th grade. But I've realized no matter where I go they will always find me because I am "weak". I honestly used to cut myself but I made myself stop. Even my mom didn't care. She saw the cuts one day and said, "So your going emo on me now." And this was after the time I decided to stop. I decided to stop because I wanted to better myself and show myself that I am a strong woman. But at this point I don't feel strong. I feel weak and at any moment I should take a blade and press it to my skin to feel the release of pain for one moment. But I know it wouldn't stop there and I can't do that to myself. I can't let myself be weak because of mean comments. I have to learn to be strong not only for myself but for those who suffer along with me. For those who don't know how to stop... I've taught myself to stop and I'm trying not to start again... I've been trying not to let myself get depressed but some how my thoughts always land there. I am always so sad and so lonely. Even surrounding myself with friends doesn't help the fact that I feel so alone. My friends are so different... so happy... I thought that maybe if I surround myself with people different from me that I can learn to be like them but it just made it worse. It just makes me feel like I can never be happy like them and that I'm always going to be in pain like this...