Sup I'm new, if you're actually going to read this...don't.

So i pretty much live with one life motto, do what you want. Be who you want, wear what you want, date who you want, if you want it, do it. It's something that i try to accomplish though its not easy. I mean when you do what you want, then life is great no? Well probablly not considering im ranting on a journal entry on the most random site ever. Obviously no ones going to read the shit i type so i mean its all in good fun. Sometimes just typing stuff out feels good, it's like everytime you write means something, it has to mean something to someone, and you have to be really carefull with what you say, so people don't misunderstand it. But on here it's like, whatever, fuck it. I'll make all the spelling and grammatical errors that i want. I'll rant as much as I would like. So basically my life.. is so ordinary i could just die. It's seriously nothing special, nothing exciting, its not a bad life, its just, a life. Great parents, who have been togeather for what seems to be an eternity, but actually love eachother, i live in a normal house. Im average looking i guess, nothing really special. I used to have the best life though, back when i had this huge group of friends, i wasnt the most popular person, but i was up there. Until, everything came crashing down. Every lie caught up to me, every fake friend stabbed me in the back, and just, left. The people who i thought were my best friends, my everything, did nothing. They stood there and just watched me drown in all the bullshit i caused. I take responsibily for what i did, i really do. But it wasnt all me, and i hate the fact that i lost everything, that i was the only one who had to restart with a new mindset killed me. I put on a brave face when truthfully i felt like dying. The person i loved the most, absolutely destroyed me. Stabbed me in the back, took my heart and just shatterd it into a million pieces. Its crazy to think how the person i trusted the most and loved the most, is now like something i can't even mention. All this happened a year ago, and since then, there hasn't been a single day that i don't think about what happened, its like something that compleatly just haunts me. I replay situations in my mind, trying to figure out what i could have done differently, i wish that i could rewind my life, right to the begining. And just start fresh and avoid all the mistakes that i've made. But then again, why? Whats the point of doing that and wishing that i could take everything back? There is none. Because making mistakes is okay, and compleatly fucking up is fine too. Aslong as you learn from it and just never do it again. I would never be the way i am today without those mistakes, and although i regret somethings, its over, and i can't take it back. I'm glad you broke my heart when you did. I am. It made me stronger. I see you everyday and everytime i do it's like i feel this coldness inside of me. You act like you don't see me, but i know you do. I mean, im the only person you've ever broken down infront of. I've seen you at your absolute worst, ive helped you through everything, i've stayed up with you until 5am listening to all your problems, without asking anything in return. but whatever. I need to move on from you, In 3 months, i will never see you again. A part of me is really scared and the other part of me feels releaved. And almost happy to see you go. I hope your life is shit. Actually, no, i dont care, i dont want to worry about you anymore. i just want to erase you from my mind. And do something better with my life. I want to do well in school even though procrastination is my death. seriously, i procrastinate like crazy. Anyway, I think that its time to just let go. And be myself, and feel happy. And comfortable, and to stop worrying about the small things. It can't rain forever, and if it does then i'll just learn to dance in it.