'You Show Me Love, Even With So Much Pain.'

Baby, I must have done something wrong in the first place. But just tell me what. I must have said something to have gotten my love to walk away from me but why can't I remember? I'm losing my mind and the Devil's got a hold of my soul. Tears are trickling down my cheeks, I'm screaming your name into the forever blue sky, im on my knees and begging for your forgiveness. What else do I gotta do for you to just hear me? For you to give me your hand and help me up off the damn dirty ground?

Darling, you said I was beautiful. Said that everything I did made your heart skip a beat. What happened to that love? What happened to us? Why did we change and why have we grown apart? What happened to our love, what happened to our love, what happened to our god damn love?

Honey, you said I was your world. If you were tellin' the truth then how come you don't need me like you needed me before anymore? Why do my kisses not make you smile? I never could have imagined for there to be a day where the two of us weren't holding hands and running through the rain with the look of sheer bliss on our faces and our hearts weren't entangled with each others.

Boy, you had me runnin' in a countless amount of circles for you. You had me head over heels for your smile and laugh. You got me feeling crazy and the insanity that was rolling around in the depths of my core got me swinging in all diferent directions.

Sweetie, I feel so empty without you now. You completed me and I thought I had completed you. I see you in my dreams all the time and I don't know what it means anymore.

Now, Taylor Swift's playin' on my stereo and I feel so dizzy. It is the story of you and me. You remember that song? It was playing on the radio in your car and we were singing like the psychos we are and laugh inbetween lyrics. We were throwing marshmallows at each other and other cars kept honking at us, telling you to keep your eyes on the road.

We always laughed and smiled, we always cried together, and we always fought. I'd always storm out of your house, run through the rain, burst into tears and try to run away faster but you always took my hand and stopped me. You always simply just turned me around, swept me into your arms and kissed me. We were meant to live a fairytale.

That was a great summer, don't you think? Just the two of us, all alone for two months in the city of New York. The concerts we went to... the sport games and the tournaments and the parties and the parks and my hotel room. Your entire family saw how happy you were with me, and that made me feel so so proud of myself. I could finally make someone happy again.

Don't leave me, baby. I get that our love is gone, but the two and a half years it lasted was paradise. I'm glad I had gotten to know you.... You were my babykins :) You always said you hated me calling you that, but I know you secretly loved it. I could see it in your eyes...

That night... in January... when you found me unconscious and bleeding half to death... I'll be forever grateful for that. You carried me all the way to the hospital in your arms, even though the hospital was an hour away. You took me there at 3am... My love for you will never ever fade.

I like us being at least friends. I need you in my life... I just want to know what went so wrong. We forgave each other for what happened. We tried to get back together but it didn't work for some reason. We fought for four months. We didn't talk for 27 days.

I can't make up my mind about you. I know we're not getting back together. I know that my love for you is just on a friendship basis now but... You knew me better than anyone ever did. You still do. You had me all figured out and somehow always knew where I was and how I felt. On Austin's death anniversary you found me crying in the park fifty kilometres away from the cemetery where I usually was. Instead of telling me everything was okay like any one of my other friends would've done, or just held me until I stopped... You cried with me. Because only you know how much it hurt to lose him. Because only you know that I still cry like a little girl when I hear his name. When I see a picture of him or go to a place I've been with him before.

Only you know why I really want to die. Why I want to escape everything and why I'm still here right now.

The last time I saw you, you sang me a song. I still don't know what to say to you... But I don't find it strange how you know that I think that song is beautiful :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zGQsVqxTpU&feature=related

I know you've been through a ton, and I just to be there for you now like you were always there for me. I'll never forget you, y'know. And even when I die it'll be your name that I'm holding onto on the tip of my tongue.

It's funny how I can say all of this here, but when I'm face-to-face with you I'm rendered completely speechless... Now, when I need love, I turn to my wonderfully loving boyfriend Joey or bring that bottle of Vodka to my lips and drink it down like I've been dehydrated for the longest time...

I don't cut anymore. I don't jump off of things. I don't try to break my bones. I don't get into that many fights anymore, either. I'm trying to be a better person.. I swear I am.

And I'm just praying to God now that you are, too.