Writing on a page that's already been stained.

I keep smiling and acting like i'm over you, acting like I don't care that you threw me away so easily. But I do care, it hurts so much. You told me to wait for you, that it would be worth it and I was naive enough to believe you. All of your smooth lines, I fell for them and I wish I hadn't. I miss you so much and I don't know how to let you go. You were so good for me. I believed in you, I trusted you. I waited six months for you, just to have you change your mind. I told you not to play with my heart, I told you i've been hurt and you promised that this wasn't a fling. You promised me that you would handle my heart with care. So why couldn't you spare me? Why did you have to hurt me so badly? I’m filled with this undeniable urge to cry.

I miss you. I miss what we were and I don’t know how to stop missing that. You made me so happy. You made me feel so special and it was all a lie. You were a lie, so why then do I still want you? Why do you do this to me? How is it so easy for you to not care that you’re killing my heart? I tried to be so strong. I thought I could say I don’t care. I thought if I said it enough that maybe I could convince myself that I don’t need you, that I don’t care about you. But I do, I do need you in my life. I need you more than I should and I hate it. I hate that I can’t hate you, that I don’t want to hate you. I put on a brave smile everyday but i’m dying inside. This is killing me. I just want to be happy again, and I don’t know how to feel happy when I feel so completely lost without you. Why did you have to do this? Why couldn’t you spare me? I told you I wouldn’t be strong enough for this.

I told you I was scared but you took my heart anyways and you gave it back in pieces. I wasted the last 6 months of my life trying to make things work and I didn’t give up because you told me not to…but then you give up on me? I can’t even begin to describe how much that hurts, how much it hurts to be led on and lied to when I believed in you. I trusted you. It’s okay that you found someone else, I can’t blame you for that but I do blame you for not telling me. I blame you for leaving me out in the rain expecting me to figure it out on my own. I blame you for not having the decency, the courage to let me know before putting it on facebook. I blame you for pretending to care. And maybe I was naive to believe you when you said you wouldn’t hurt me, maybe I was naive to think you wouldn’t break your promises…but I told you not to play with me. I told you that if this was just a game to you to leave me alone. I told you my heart wasn’t going to be strong enough for this rejection. I told you all of my secrets and my fears and I let you in.

I believed in everything about you and the worst part is I still do. I should hate you. I should hate everything about you, but I can’t. I can’t because I know that you are a good person, that you love God and never say bad things about people, you make corny jokes and you listen. I’m just going to miss being the hand you hold, the lips you kiss, the girl you sweet talk. I’m going to miss going to the park at midnight just to talk. I’m going to miss being the girl you had eyes for. But I don’t hate you, I never will. I can’t stay mad at you cause I still want to be in your life. I know it will hurt like hell t o see you with her and know that was me not too long ago. I just wish you would have given me a real chance. Honestly, what hurt the most was the fact that you gave up on me to be with her and I didn’t even see it coming. And here I am writing on a page that's already been stained...waiting for you to want me back. But I guess that’s life. Crap happens, you learn from it, and you move on because the world not’s going to stop spinning for you....