3 - 1 - 2011

I met with a therapist the other day for the first time. It was mostly to go over paperwork and to establish some ground rules, but for some reason, I could not stop crying. I don't really know why, either. Maybe it was because I know how embarrassing everything's going to get once we start meeting regularly, or how utterly defeated I felt after protesting for weeks against the idea of getting a shrink, and being forced into going at the last minute.
It was so humiliating but I COULDN'T STOP. I'm so afraid that every meeting is going to be like this now, which, in all honesty, probably will. I can control my emotions really well most of the time, but not when I'm expected to talk about things I just can't convey into proper sentences and cohesive thoughts. It's miserable. I am miserable. I know I do need a therapist, or someone to talk to, but it's just so hard sometimes. I don't know what I'm saying.
I need to sleep and get some food, but I'll probably just sleep and wake up with a terrible taste in my mouth again and try to wash it out with tea and pb&j sandwiches.