Day 2

I feel like jumping off a building and having my insides splattered all over the pavement. Chunks of brain on people’s windshields, chunks of intestine flying through the air. I want to come home. Please leave me alone I hurt so fucking badly. My brain tells me “do it pussy.” my heart tells me “it will get better.” Everybody tells me it will get better, but it never does, it only gets worse. I want it to stop. I love you so much I could never do that to you. If you would only give me permission I could end this misery. The pain that flows through my body like white water rapids speeding down a mountain. Only to come to what looks like a calm peaceful pond. When I enter the pond it turns to blood. The blood of my loved ones and their bodies are floating face up I can see their souls exiting the earth. They left me again to fend for myself. Nothing new no surprise I’m alone in this world with tears in my eyes. As I lay in the blood I hear this faint whispering voice. I can’t make out the words but I know it’s beneath me. So I swim to the bottom to find the voice. It’s me. Crying for help. I come to the surface to leave me to die. I can’t even help myself. I lay there floating and a couple of minutes later my body raises to the surface. My face is blue and covered in blood, I reach out to touch me but my hand goes right through. What’s happening I wonder, what’s going on? I start to panic I start to sweat. But what’s coming out of my pores is not sweat. It’s my sanity, which I’ve laid to rest.