It's been four long years knowing him, five this year. He was absolutely gorgeous even from the age of eleven. I've fallen madly in love with him. But we don't talk that much anymore. We talk over the Internet, but the conversation often looses interest and i leave before it gets awkward.
It's been three long moths since he's spoken a word to me in person or even looked me in the eye. We just stand there awkwardly in crowds not talking to anyone but avoiding contact. I do it because i don't want him to know i like him, his reason's are beyond me.
It's come to my attention that I'm a hopeless loser and I've probably given him the wrong impression, I hope it's not the case because i can't function very well without him. Just to know that he's thinking of me is enough.
I just really don't want to become one of those girls that misinterpret signs and think the other person is equally in love. You know how that ends, a broken heart. I can't handle rejection very well, probably because before high school i wasn't accepted anywhere. I had one friend who used me for a year then forgot about me. I was alone until year seven. I'd never tell any of the girls now but all of them we're completely heartless towards me. They all used me. I don't like admitting that i had no friends from year 2-6, but i have to accept the past, I've started anew, Even though it's incredibly difficult for me to fit in still, I'm glad i have three best friends i can completely rely on to pull me out of the gutter.
So I'm going to tell him. I'm going to get my friends to help me work up the courage and say it. I figure i should start turning my life around, give myself a confidence boost. I want to be courageous and ruthless and i want him to be by boyfriend. I wont tackle the rejection well if it happens, but at least he'll know.
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