Oh, No.

So. Much. Drama.
And not even the good kind!
The stupid, petty, annoying kind. Ugh! Gross.

I've recently realized, I don't let anyone know anything about me. Because I think no one cares. And sometimes it's true.
and I've said this before too, apparently I've been labeled as the listener and never the talker.
I listen.
I nod.
I empathize.
I offer advice.
I compliment.
I reassure.
I comfort.
I keep the secrets you ask me to keep.
I Care.

But, they can't say they do the same for me.
I speak, then get cut off.
My words are obviously not important enough to be heard.
Which is why I like to write. Whoever reads it, is listening to my words, and it makes me feel just a little bit better when I know that someone cares about what I have to say. Even though I don't know them personally.

Sometimes I make myself believe all of my friends are my enemies.

If anything, I should just keep my mouth shut, become a mute, anything that allows me to stop talking, stop being disappointed when I realize no one cares.

Then, finally, I'd be able to think I'm appreciated. In a way that is so pathetic.
I feel so pathetic, so pathetic.

If I have a problem, it's never as bad as theirs.
Well, I don't need my problem to top you in importance. All I need is for you to listen, at least pretend to care.

I just want to be listened to. I don't care if you don't care. I don't mind if you don't understand, and I don't believe you when you say you do.

They call me pretty, cute, beautiful. those are lies.
Vicious, bold-faced, lies.
I just want to be left alone now.
I think, finally, that I've had enough.
I don't want to hear your problems anymore.
Because I won't care.

You can call me a depressing person, a self-centered bitch, because honestly, I won't mind.
As long as I can listen to my own problems, because, honestly, I know that no one else will.
Fact.
I'll be able to survive without friends.
Lie.
I don't need any attention anymore.
Lie.

I love my friends. My one honest best friend. My one friend whose just recently made his way into my heart. And the other few who have also clawed themselves a place in my heart.

And I don't think I could survive without them, they keep me alive.
No matter how bad they treat me.
No matter how much shit they give me.
And no matter how much I spit back, they're there.

And it Pisses. Me. Off.

Fuck love.
I've only ever loved one guy, and we met so briefly, too briefly.
He probably already forgot about me.
but I still look at his picture, his contact name in my phone, anything that'll ever remind me of him. I look at it, and want to die.
But all I do is cry like a baby, and remember.
Remembering always causes the most pain.

Love is ugly,
Love is blind,
Love is cold,
Love is quick,
But you know what?
Love can suck a dick.