Just to warn you[probably imaginary readers], this will probably be very disjointed and all over the place, because it's probably going to end up being just a rant on how fucked up things have been, this week especially.
I... am done. With the world, with the human race, with mindsets and idiosyncrasies than never make sense. Is it truly such a complicated and incomprehensible idea that people aside from yourself have feelings as well? Is every other person aside from myself truly that sadistic, to take immense amounts of joy from mine and other's pain? What is it about manipulation and harassment and assault that has everyone so hooked on it? Maybe I'm just overly empathetic, but when I hurt people I tend to do this thing called 'apologize' and 'feel bad'. And what I mean by apologize is NOT lie when I do so.
Well, anyway, there's this girl at my school named Mandy [she has a Mibba, actually... I'm very tempted to say it, but.... yea, not gunna.]. She has been harassing and assaulting me since 8th grade (I'm currently a Sophomore). Basically, she's been doing this for about two years (as it started around this time in eighth grade).
At first she was actually a really good friend. She showed me around the school and she was a nice sense of humor. We shared our love of horses. But there was another girl, the lovely and amazing Jess ( hollywood and vine; ) who was very bitter toward Mandy and, at that time, I had no idea why, I even defended Mandy. THEN I got to know Mandy.
Her daddy is a lawyer and her mommy is a nurse. I have no prejudices against such professions, but that meant that they had money. Mandy was(is) a spoiled rotten little girl who thinks she's just the shit. The first incident I had with her was one day she called me fat (given, I do have a little pudge around my mid section). She called me this because I ate a sugar cookie. Jess defended me, but I was still very upset. I'd been struggling with my weight and was well aware of the extra I had around my stomach, and didn't need to be reminded. I was quiet and reserved, and slightly emotional for the rest of that day.
The abuse and harassment continued. Mandy has punched me, called me fat, a bitch, and a pig on multiple occasions, as well as choked me once with my necklace (it's a string necklace, so there was no hope of it breaking. The only way I kept consciousness and circulation is by grabbing my necklace and putting my fingers between it and my neck). This given week I have been very emotional. Not because of that time of the month, but because of some emotional wounds that were recently reopened. Mandy and I have been fighting and I've been trying to get away from her, but she keeps forcing herself near me and my friends. I confronted her about this directly, asking her why she continued staying near me, and she replied with "I like hearing you complain." (That was yesterday at lunch)
Today was the absolute last straw. This morning in Bible (I go to a Christian school) class we sit in rows while our teacher lectures us and we take notes. I sat down with my friend, Patricia, in a row all by ourselves. Mandy came over and sat beside me, even though there were about ten other seats, one beside Patricia and nine all laid out beside me. She chooses the one right next to me.
A little later into the class she asked... something, I forget what, and I answer it. "I wasn't asking you." she snapped. I cocked an eyebrow.
"Then why are you sitting next to me?" I asked.
"I like Patricia." she said snappily. I looked over, pointedly eyeing the empty seat beside said Patricia. I didn't say anything else and silently seethed in my seat, fed up with Mandy.
Even later in class, the teacher handed out a study sheet. At the end of my row there were two other girls by now, and the teacher handed the girl on the very end five sheets of paper. They took one, passed it down. Mandy blatantly only grabbed two and reached over me to hand the paper to Patricia, leaving my paper in the seats between her and the two other girls. I wait for a moment, wanting to see if she'd stop being a bitch and give me my paper. Finally I reach over her and grab my paper, then I sit back down.
"Fat lard!" Mandy exclaimed, a snobby look on her face. I say nothing and just sit there for about five minutes, trying to gather myself and not cry and/or punch her in the face. Finally I find I can't gather myself enough to last, and I pack up my stuff and excuse myself from class to go to the office and tell them everything Mandy had put me through.
About five seconds into explaining my words are incomprehensible through sobs and not-very-successfully held back tears. The counselor happened to be gone this week, so I was left with the nurse and the secretary and the principal (Well, "Headmaster" now). The principal called in Mandy, and she lied to both his and my face.
"I didn't call you a fat lard! I don't even know what a lard is, do you know what a lard is?" I was... aghast. The principal noticed the conflict in our stories and had us both write down our accounts of what had happened. In my explanation, I included everything she had ever done to me and handed it in, then spent first and second period on the office trying to gather myself.
Later, in lunch, I sat myself at the only empty table that was, regrettably, the one right next to my typical table... where Mandy was sitting. Mandy talked to my friend, Michelle, and told her lies. Finally Mandy and Michelle asked me over to their table.
"She wants to apologize." Michelle said. Mandy nodded.
The first thing she says, the starter to her 'apology'; "You and I both know I didn't call you a fat lard." I opened my mouth to correct her but she hushed me, so I hushed, seeing if she would correct herself. But she went on with her lies. She made me look like the pathetic, whiney bad guy in the situation to Michelle.
I seethed for the rest of the day, as I am now. HOW does she...? I just... don't understand... She lied to my FACE. She said that I made the shit up! She said that she'd said "You squished me" not "Fat lard." ...... You should know, that I can fake cry, but not fake sob-while-trying-to-make-a-coherent-sentence-and-fail. Thank GOD the principal didn't believe her.
So obviously, this day paired with yesterday was not a good pair. (Yesterday they had a sermon on forgiveness which made me think about my biological father who abandoned me and I can't bring it in myself to forgive him, as well as the time my brother--who seemed like my father figure most of my life and also thinks of himself as such--got into a car accident and nearly died, which is a deeply tender part of my heart that makes me cry just remembering it even though he is perfectly fine now.) I came home crying yesterday and the only reason I didn't go home today was because I was meeting a friend at the mall after school.
But, yea, that's my sob-confusion-wtf story... you probably didn't read. Heh...
[TL;DR]?
~Moony
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