Christopher Logan.?

Chris, he is an amazing person. We talk almost every night on the phone for about 3 hours, he tells me he loves me before we hang up, and out of complete randomness. He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever talked to. He knows so much about me, he listens to me when i need to complain. I love him, or should I say, I am in love with him.

I want to be with him like I've never wanted anyone else. he's asked me out many of times, but yet I continue to turn him down. I have so many things going on in my life, that I don't want him to be a side thing that I dont have time for ;& he get's tired of me. He is to special to be treated like that. I wanted to wait until summer to go out, I've told him this, but he is going to be gone this summer. It kills me to know that I might never be with him. I was looking forward to this summer, but now it seems like it will be filled of nothing but regret that I didn't date him when I had the chance. I know this is getting me no where, but I don't think he understands that I really do love him. he is always there for me, and i can come to him with anything and everything, but everytime i say i love you back, he gets quite ;& changes a little bit for the rest of the conversation. I'm not sure why he does some of the things he does though. He smokes just like any other teenager. But he has told me plenty of times that he was going to stop, ;& always for different reasons. I absolutely hate that he does it. My dad died because he screwed up his system from smoking. I don't want that to happen to him, he has so much going for him. He is in ROTC ;& wants to go into the military and have like a million kids. I am so proud of everything he wants to do, but smoking isn't going to get him near any of those goals any time soon. I don't think he gets any of that. I have tried to tell him these things, but it never gets anywhere. We always end up fighting, and I think thats my fault. I let the littlest things get to me, and I bring them up when they should just be dropped. I am sorry for all of the pain I have ever caused him. I told him one day to forget me, delete my number, dont look at me in class, and to go fuck himself. He still came back to me that day, said he was so sorry for whatever he did to make me mad, and that he loves me no matter what. I felt like a complete douche bag. I don't see why he sticks around, why he still tries so hard. I put him through so much shit, its not even funny. I dont like that I do it, but I cant help myself some times. I hear so much stuff about him, and how he isnt good for me, I have to bring it up. Which then puts him in a pissy mood and we get into a fight. It's an on going chain, but then theres the times when we dont fight, we just talk. It's the most amazing feeling ever when i look at my phone and it's him calling. Or like the other day when he called me babe infront of his friends. He means so much to me, no matter what I say or do, nothing will ever change that. I love you Chris, forever ;& always.?